A Word from Bob

I’ve adapted today’s post from The Annual Guide to Biblical Counseling Resources: 2022 Edition. The Biblical Counseling Coalition now oversees and distributes The Annual Guide. For 2022 (as for 2018-2021), I provided the collation and content for The Annual Guide.

Singleness, Dating, & Pre-Engagement: Books 

Baker, Ernie. Marry Wisely, Marry Well: A Blueprint for Personal Preparation

Does marriage matter anymore? If so, is it even possible to have a stable marriage? How do you choose the right one? Is there anything to work on now, even before being in a relationship? Marry Wisely, Marry Well teaches you how to start building your future marriage house even before you begin a relationship. Learn to make a wise choice of a spouse, and how to start preparing yourself for a future relationship that is built on Christ.

Perron, Sean, and Spencer Harmon. Letters to a Romantic: On Dating

Whether or not you’re currently dating someone, if you’re a young person thinking about romance, you probably have a lot of questions. Who should you date? How do you turn down an unwanted date, navigate a first date, or break up with someone? Is marriage for you? The Bible is sufficient to help you think through the concerns of singleness and dating, and it has crucial things to say about the thoughts, attitudes, actions, and situations that arise in this exciting stage of life. In friendly, practical letters, Sean and Spencer (and their wives, Jenny and Taylor) explore God’s Word for answers on singleness, the start of a relationship, and tough dating situations, from breakups to broken boundaries. Their biblical insights will help you to make informed decisions on the road ahead.

Perron, Sean, and Spencer Harmon. Letters to a Romantic: On Engagement

If you’re engaged, you already know a thing or two about navigating a relationship—but you’re probably finding that this in-between period raises new questions. Turning to God’s Word for answers, Sean and Spencer have written you short letters full of biblical, practical wisdom. Direct and to the point, they cover topics ranging from the details of wedding planning to the big picture of your future lifelong relationship. Find clarity amid engagement and come to your marriage prepared!

Phillips, Richard, and Sharon Phillips. Holding Hands, Holding Hearts: Rediscovering a Biblical View of Dating 

What does Scripture say about dating? Nothing—and everything! According to the Bible’s perspective, if you are dating you are not just holding hands—you are holding hearts. What you do with your own heart, and what you do with another’s, is a matter of great importance! This book offers a biblical view of relationships and doesn’t shy away from discussing attraction, first dates, commitment and more elements that need to come together to make a successful relationship.

Priolo, Lou. Danger Signs of an Unhealthy Dating Relationship

The one I’m thinking of spending the rest of my life with is a sinner. I am one too. No two people are totally compatible, and in a marriage of two sinners, there will be difficulties. There are issues over which we keep on stumbling. Am I being oversensitive? Am I worrying about nothing? Or, are my concerns about our compatibility valid? If thoughts and questions like this trouble you, this book will help. Here’s an inventory to help you decide if the light on the road before you is green, yellow, or red. It is designed to identify problem areas before you move forward with marriage plans—to serve as a useful tool as you seek godly advice from those who counsel you.

Reju, Deepak. She’s Got the Wrong Guy: Why Smart Women Settle

Why do the nicest women pick guys who let them down for one reason or another? The answers are not always straightforward. For some women, the issue is as simple as not really thinking through what they’re looking for or should be looking for in a man. Others feel they’d rather be with someone than be alone, while still others are unconsciously replicating patterns of bad relationships they learned in childhood or from traumatic experiences. Deepak Reju, writing from his years of experience as a pastor and a counselor, shares his perspective on how to assess a relationship’s strengths from the beginning, how to identity possible pitfalls, and how to have the courage to not just settle but to wait for a relationship that will be a blessing to both of you.

Segal, Marshall. Not Yet Married: The Pursuit of Joy in Singleness and Dating

Not Yet Married is not about waiting quietly in the corner of the world for God to bring you “the one,” but about inspiring you to live and date for more now. If you follow Jesus, the search for a spouse is no longer a pursuit of the perfect person, but a pursuit of more of God. He will likely write a love story for you different than the one you would write for yourself, but that’s because he loves you and knows how to write a better story. This book was written to help you find real hope, happiness, and purpose in your not-yet-married life.

Thomas, Gary. The Sacred Search: What If It’s Not About Who You Marry, But Why?

What if you stopped looking for a “soul mate” and started looking for a “sole mate”—someone who will live out with you the great purpose of God? What if dating isn’t about finding “the one,” but making a wise choice so you can better serve the One who loves you most? What if God didn’t design relationships to make you happy, but to make you holy? In The Sacred Search, Gary Thomas transforms the way you look at romantic relationships. Whether you are single, dating, or engaged, Gary’s unique perspective on dating will prepare you for a satisfying, spiritually enriching marriage even before you walk down the aisle. A good marriage is not something you find—it’s something you make.

White, David. God, You, & Sex: A Profound Mystery

David White helps readers develop a Scripture-based perspective on human sexuality that goes beyond just wait until you’re married. God, You, & Sex doesn’t sidestep the sexual revolution that has come to bitter fruition in teen and young adult hookup culture. In the face of these messages and the pervasiveness of sexual temptation, White helps Christian men and women find compelling reasons to obey God with their sexuality. By establishing a positive theology of sex from Christian Scripture, White ultimately points to Jesus Christ as the Bridegroom and sheds light on broken sexuality, pornography, same-sex marriage, sex outside of marriage, and other relevant topics for young Christians. 

Singleness, Dating, & Pre-Engagement: Booklets

Allbery, Sam. 7 Myths About Singleness

Much of what we commonly assume about singleness—that it is primarily about the absence of good things like intimacy, family, or meaningful ministry—is either flat-out untrue or, at the very least, shouldn’t be true. To be single, we often think, is to be alone and spiritually hindered. But the Bible paints a very different picture of singleness: it is a positive gift and blessing from God. This book seeks to help Christians―married and unmarried alike―value singleness as a gift from God so that we can all encourage singles to take hold of the unique opportunities their singleness affords and see their role in the flourishing of the church as a whole. 

Dykas, Ellen. Sex and the Single Girl: Smart Ways to Care for Your Heart 

Our world has a lot to say about sex, but it all comes down to this: do whatever you want. Perhaps you’ve already experienced the emotional and spiritual fallout that comes with sexual “freedom.” How many times has your heart been broken? Through her own experience, Ellen Dykas offers the way to protect your heart by following God’s plan for your sexuality and pursuing healthy relationships and sexual wholeness through the grace and strength Christ provides. The smartest way to care for your heart is to give it to the One who knows you and loves you best.

James, Joel. Help! I’m Confused About Dating

Many Christian young people and parents have never consciously shaped their understanding of dating with the Bible. In fact, dating might be one of the areas where we have blindly followed the path beaten by the world. Let this personal, practical, fun, and, above all, biblical mini-book be a counselor and guide as you pursue the kind of relationships that truly honor God.

Lane, Tim. Sex Before Marriage: How Far Is Too Far?

“If we’re in love, what’s wrong with having sex before marriage? And even if we’re not, isn’t everyone else doing it? Why should we be the only ones who wait?” Have you ever thought or said things like this? If your answer is yes, you have a lot of company. Most people in our world agree with you that, at least in some circumstances, premarital sex is okay. But do you know what God says about this issue? Tim Lane clearly explains God’s perspective on your sexuality and how it should be expressed. Many people think God says in the Bible that sex is inherently bad and sinful, but nothing could be further from the truth. God is not a killjoy; His guidelines for your sexuality are for your help and protection. This booklet’s forthright and honest look at sexuality, including a discussion of “how far is too far?” will be an invaluable resource for young adults and those who minister to them.

McKinlay, Mike. Engagement: Preparing for Marriage (A 31-Day Devotional for Life)

Marriage has been created by God to demonstrate his love and character. In light of this, couples preparing for their wedding should begin to reflect on the ways that God’s gospel love will be displayed in their marriage. Many couples enter into marriage with a largely “horizontal” focus, but in reality much of their relationship will depend on the “vertical” dimension. The devotional would aim to help the reader prepare his or her heart for the wonderful (and often sanctifying) calling to love another person in a way that manifests God’s love for his people.

Powlison, David, and John Yenchko. Pre-Engagement: Five Questions to Ask Yourselves

How do you know if you’re ready to marry? What are the signs that a man and a woman are heading in the same direction and are right for each other? In this booklet, a biblical counselor and a pastor team up to offer five pertinent questions that will help couples decide whether to commit themselves to each other for life. These questions bring to light basic convictions, assumptions, expectations, priorities, and more. As couples think through and discuss them, they will get to know themselves and each other better-a wise investment toward building a marriage on a solid foundation, with Christ at the center.

Wilson, Dan. How to Say No When Your Body Says Yes: Finding True Satisfaction 

Wilson, a seasoned guide, gives young men and women an easy-to-understand primer on why they should say “no” to premarital sex. He then walks them through key steps to make sure that their “no” sticks. Instead of moralism and hard-to-follow rules, Wilson offers the hope of gospel power to turn from what’s hurtful toward God’s best plan for couples.

More to Come… 

You may be thinking, “Wait, I know of some additional books on pre-marital counseling. I’m surprised you left them out, Bob.” Good catch. Visit 7 Biblical Counseling Resources for Pre-Marital Counseling. 

Join the Conversation 

What additional biblical counseling resources would you recommend on singleness, dating, and pre-engagement?