The Ugliness of Self-Beautification

Note: The following material is taken from Soul Physicians. Today you’re reading Part Five in a series on putting off the old me and putting on the new me in Christ. Read Part One, How to Break the Stranglehold of Strongholds. Read Part Two, Christian: Do You Know Who You Are? Read Part Three, Returning to My First Love. Read Part Four, Returning Home to Father.

Tracing the Tracks of Sin: A Soul Caved in on Itself

We follow foolish mindsets fanned into flame by Satan and his lying narratives about God as a shalt-not God. Believing these, we choose to love any lover other than Christ. Doubting God while still being designed to trust someone or something, we trust ourselves. Turning from God’s love while still being designed to receive infinite love, we crave love in all the wrong places.

Augustine defined abnormality as a soul caved in on itself. That perfectly describes our old false lovers. As Christians we live fleshly lives to the degree that we are ruled by internal dispositions toward radical self-centeredness, self-sufficiency, self-protection, self-hatred, selfishness, and self-beautification.

“I Reject the Ugliness of My Self-Beautification”

Luther, like Augustine, acutely understood the flesh-oriented conscience. It’s an evil conscience that replaces our sacred identity in Christ with a shame identity in self. It rejects grace in favor of works. We see ourselves as shameful since we’ve failed to reckon on who we are in Christ because we’ve refused to live by grace, choosing instead to live our lives and see ourselves according to Satan’s lying narrative of works. Our shame leads to self-hatred which we foolishly attempt to deal with through self-sufficiency.

Suffering and Christ-Sufficiency

When bombarded by suffering and finding ourselves crushed by a fallen world, we believe Satan’s fairy tale. “Life is bad, so is God, and so are you.” His penetrating arrows pierce our conscience. “These bad things must be happening to me because my tit-for-tat God is displeased with me. If only I could please Him. The only way to please Him is by doing good works and by beautifying myself. I have to make myself pretty enough that He’ll want me. I must cover my shame.”

Mortification counters these lies. We say to Christ, “I reject the ugliness of my self-beautification. Every time I beautify myself, I deny You. I demean Your grace. I act as if the Cross was foolishness. I confess as sin my refusal to count myself dead indeed to sin and alive indeed to righteousness. I confess as sin my living according to Satan’s shame narrative. I confess as sin refusing to base my sense of self on my new nurture in Christ. I put off all of Satan’s shame identities about me. More than that, I put off all my self-sufficient attempts to feel good about me. I put on Christ-esteem, Christ-contentment, and Christ-competence.”

Sinning and Christ-Sufficiency

Facing suffering without shame is hard enough. Sometimes it seems almost impossible to honestly face our sinfulness without capitulating to shame. We load our conscience with guilt and then load it some more and more and more. All the time we forget to lighten our conscience with grace. We remind ourselves how horrible it is to sin, but we neglect how wonderful it is to be forgiven. We believe yet another of Satan’s myths. “You are evil and God is unforgiving.” His piercing lies whisper into our tender consciences, “God hates sin. You are a sinner. God hates you. Some sins are so deep that even the love of God cannot touch them.” Now we double-time it and over-time it trying desperately to become something we already are: saints and sons/daughters.

Mortification counters these lies. We say to our forgiving Father, “I reject the ugliness of self-beautification. I’ve sinned against You by doubting Your graciousness and by seeing myself according to Satan’s condemning narrative. I’ve hated myself and therefore attempted to beautify myself. I’ve begun by faith but tried to continue by works. This is anathema to You, but I am never anathema to You. I’ve swallowed Satan’s mental cyanide, allowing myself to be implanted and imprinted with questions about Your heart toward me. I confess as sin questioning the depth of Your holy love and pardoning grace. I’ve dethroned Your grace, replacing it with my works. I’ve believed that I’m Your enemy and You’re mine. What a denial of Christ’s gospel of grace. I’ve sinfully allowed my self-awareness to be bewitched by an evil conscience led by evil fleshly eyesight.”

“I Shed My Self-Sufficient Identities”

We maintain rather fixed ways of looking at ourselves. In Christ we have grace-based identities. Some of these are “universal” identities—ways every Christian can see himself or herself: saint, son, daughter, royal priest, and hundreds of others. We also have “unique” identities—particular ways that we see ourselves based upon God having fearfully, wonderfully, and uniquely framed and formed us. These, too, are grace-based identities because we recognize that all the worthy, wonderful things about us are grace gifts.

However, when we fall under Satan’s spell, we forget who we are in Christ and to Christ. We lose our universal sense of self as a saint, son, or daughter. Then, like Adam and Eve, we feel naked and ashamed. We live the rest of our fleshly lives scurrying about trying to cover our sense of shame with defensive, self-protective, and self-sufficient identities.

Repentance, therefore, is two-fold. First, I must repent of my core self-beautification. I confess to Father the bent in my heart toward taking care of myself by myself.

Second, I must identify and repent of the specific identities that I’m using to cover up my sense of shame and nakedness. I need to ask myself penetrating questions like, “What layers am I using to protect my sense of self?” “What specific covers do I put on to make others happy with me?” “What way of relating to others do I use in order to impress them?” “What fig leaves am I using to try to deal with my shame apart from Christ?” “How am I blocking the real me from coming forth?” “What am I afraid of?” “Who do I really think I am deep down inside? If I showed this person to others, what do I think would happen? How do I think God would respond?”

A Prayer of Relational Repentance

“Father, I’ve been so like Adam and Eve. Running. Hiding. Defensive. Playing dress up. All because I don’t believe You are who You say You are—Forgiving Father. What sin! I put off my shame identity. I reject my sense of abandonment, ruin, rejection, and condemnation. I put off my futile attempts to quiet my inner restlessness. Instead, I rest in You. I rest in who I am in Christ and to Christ. It’s ugly of me to try to beautify myself. It’s a slap in the face to Your Son, my Savior. Forgive me. Cleanse me. Enlighten me by Your Holy Spirit to grasp how much You love me and how loving You are.”

Join the Conversation

Why do we cling to our own works and reject Christ’s grace?