Biblical Counseling and Mature Femaleness
God designed us male or female—not only in body, but also in the core of our soul. All that we do, we do out of a soul that is either male or female. That includes our counseling of others. Thus, we minister to others most effectively when we counsel from our unique maleness or femaleness. 
Today’s post considers what it looks like for a woman to counsel out of her femaleness. The next post ponders what it looks like for a male to counsel out of his maleness.
Counseling/Ministering Out of Your Mature Feminine Soul
• Deep Relaters
The opposite of depth is being shallow, surface—allowing your counseling relationship to remain above the surface. The female counselor allows herself to touch soul-to-soul with her counselee. She is inviting and open.
• Relational Restorers
Mature females so respect their counselees that they say, “You are capable of being a godly woman. I will not only weep with you, I will also expect maturity of you.” Mature women counselors do not retreat. They are restorers of relationships.
• Vulnerable Ministers
The mature feminine counselor is the adult sister who is willing to sacrifice in order to minister. She is willing to pay the price to serve in the counseling relationship.
• Refuge Givers
Refuge giving is not babying or smothering. As an adult woman you are involved strongly enough that others experience the warmth of your emotional embrace.
• Caring Nurturers
A mature female counselors is involved deeply enough to water her counselee’s thirsty soul with the vitality of her life. The female counselor is not cold, hard, rigid, predictable, overly analytical, or overly intellectual.
• Pure Encouragers
A godly female counsels out of purity of motives. Rather than focusing on how she can keep her own selfhood intact and protected, she will focus on encouraging her counselee. She will draw out and affirm her counselee.
• Tender Responders
A godly female counselor can experience the pain of another person without being swallowed up or overwhelmed by that pain. She is “huggable,” yet neither weak nor tough.
Join the Conversation
What are your reflections on these characteristics of female counselors? What characteristics would you suggest for femaleness in counseling?
Bob, this is spot on. I’m actually more interested in tomorrow’s post on a male counseling out of his maleness.
Blessings, Lucy
I just wonder with these characteristics how many will cross over? I can sure relate to some from today.
Rodger, Take a look at today’s post also–part 2, which addresses maleness and counseling. I agree that there is an overlap. Both male and female are created in God’s image and the imago Dei is what is central to us. But we live out the imago from our male soul or our female soul. So there will be a core, a nuance, an essence that is distinct. Bob
Lucy Ann, Thanks. I’ve now posted part two. Let me know your thoughts. Also, for anyone wanting more insight into female soul care, they might be interested in my book, co-authored with Susan Ellis, Sacred Friendships: Celebrating the Legacy of Women Heroes of the Faith. We share about over 50 women and how they ministered out of their feminine souls. Each woman was unique–uniquely feminine. Bob
This is where Biblical Counselors veer sharply away from our secular counterparts. The transparency and interpersonal relating that come with the intensive discipleship ministry are not permissible in the secular therapeutic models. Transparency makes me more human to my hurting sister, she sees that I am not a sterile “professional” there to point and click to methods of relief, but a living, breathing person who is walking beside her – a fellow alien in this strange land. I believe we are doing much, much more than “just” helping people with their problems, we are building intentional relationships, bearing one another’s burdens, and fulfilling the law of Christ. I relish these relationships, as I have benefited as much as my counselee’s have over the years!