Healing for the Holidays: Part 1—A Promise
Holidays… They’re “supposed” to make us think of words like thankful, merry, and happy. We’re “supposed” to associate holidays with a phrase like “Home for the Holidays!”
But… what if a loved one is not coming home this holiday season? What if death, divorce, or distance causes us to associate the holidays with words and feelings like depression, anxiety, and stress? 
Holidays can create fresh memories of our loss and a fresh experience of pain and grief. The thought of facing another holiday season causes some people to wish they could sleep from the Wednesday before Thanksgiving until January 2. Loss is always hard, and at the holidays it can seem crushing. The thought of being in a festive mood for two months is just too much to bear when our heart is breaking.
A Note to Those Who Are Happy at the Holidays
Some of you might be thinking, “Bob. Don’t be such a downer. I love the holidays!” Awesome. I have no desire to diminish your joy.
However, your experience is not universal. For many of your friends, neighbors, co-workers, and relatives, the holidays are bittersweet. So keep reading…if not for yourself, then for others—so you can empathize with and care for those who need healing for the holidays.
A Promise to Those Who Long for Healing for the Holidays
Jesus understands. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). I include this verse every time I autograph a copy of God’s Healing for Life’s Losses.
In this one verse, Jesus gives you permission to grieve and permission to hope. Jesus is real and raw, just like life can be. He is also honest and hope-giving. His words, His life, death, and resurrection, give us healing hope.
The Apostle Paul offers the same message of sorrow mingled with healing. Sharing with Christians who had lost loved ones, Paul speaks of Christian grief—grieving with hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13).
In this first post in our blog “mini-series” I want to follow the lead of Jesus and Paul by giving you:
• Permission to Grieve: Hurting During the Holidays
• Reason to Hope: Healing for the Holidays
In subsequent posts, I want to journey with you through biblical, practical, relevant ways you can grieve and grow, heal and hope.
Permission to Grieve: Hurting During the Holidays—It’s Normal to Hurt
It’s normal to hurt. When you see the empty chair during Thanksgiving dinner, it’s normal to hurt. When you unwrap the ornament that was your loved one’s favorite, it’s normal to hurt. When you usher in a new year apart from someone you love dearly, it’s normal to hurt.
Loss and separation are intruders. This is not the way it’s supposed to be. God designed us for relationship—it is not good to be alone.
Jesus did not just talk about loss and grief, He experienced it. When Jesus saw Mary weeping over the death of her brother Lazarus, he was deeply moved (John 11:33). Coming to Lazarus’ tomb, “Jesus wept” (John 11:35).
On the cross, experiencing separation from His Father, Jesus cried out. “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46).
If the perfect, sinless God-man Jesus wept over loss, then it is normal to hurt. If Jesus agonized over separation from His Father, then you have permission to grieve.
Paul did not just talk about loss and grief, he experienced it. Imprisoned and separated from Timothy, his son in the faith, Paul writes, “Night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers. Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I might be filled with joy” (2 Timothy 1:3-4).
Toward the end of his life, almost totally alone, Paul recalls, “At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me” (2 Timothy 4:16).
Memory is a great blessing—and can be a great curse. The memory of relatives separated from us by death, divorce, or distance is a legitimate source of great pain and a legitimate reason to hurt.
Reason to Hope: Healing for the Holidays—It’s Possible to Hope
It’s possible to hope. In the midst of Paul’s grief over being deserted and betrayed he also said, “But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength” (2 Timothy 4:17).
At another point of candid grief, Paul shared that he “despaired even of life” and “felt the sentence of death” (2 Corinthians 1:8-9). Yet, he also knew, “This happened to us that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead” (2 Corinthians 1:9). With Christ you have reason to hope for healing for the holidays. Loss is not final or fatal. It’s possible to hope.
Jesus, forsaken by His Father because of our sin, was raised from the dead by His Father. Even more (if you can say “even more” about the resurrection!) He is now seated at the right hand of the Father! Reunion. Relationship. Oneness.
Separation is not final with Christ. It’s possible to hope because our God is the God who raises the dead. He can resurrect your hope.
The Rest of the Story
You may be thinking, “That helps to know that I have permission to grieve, but what do I do with my hurt during the holidays?” And you may be asking, “I’m glad for the promise of healing for the holidays, but how do I find it?” Great questions. We’ll journey together in subsequent posts to find God’s answers for life’s losses.
Join the Conversation
Shakespeare said, “Give sorrow words.” What words would you give your sorrow over your hurt during the holidays? What glimmers of hope and healing are you seeing this holiday season?
Help for Your Healing Journey
For additional help on your healing journey, learn more about God’s Healing for Life’s Losses: How to Find Hope When You’re Hurting.
Thanks for the “Healing for the Holidays” series of posts you’re sharing this week. I know what it’s like to grieve during the holidays. Over the past four years, I walked with my wife through her three-year battle with cancer, and served as her caregiver night and day until her passing in July of 2010. During that time, we lost the aunt and uncle who raised her, her biological father and my mother. In that season, there were other losses, too, including my job (I’m still unemployed) and a beloved pet that died (also of cancer). Then, in December of last year, my father of 93 committed suicide. This year, I was diagnosed with cancer (prostate) and have since had surgery and I’m recovering. While the holidays were difficult last year, they’re even more heartrending this year, as I struggle with the sense of loss and aloneness (my wife and I had no children). I still have a sister nearby, along with her kids and grandkids, but they’re my only remaining family. So, the holidays have become very solitary in a short period of time.
But, hope exists amid the heartache. God has been faithful even when my faith has faltered. He has been a rock and refuge through it all, and many Christian friends have stood by my side to encourage me and cry with me, as need be. It’s still hard to celebrate the season, and I believe it will be for a while to come. It’s the nature of loss. Our loved ones were not destined to die. Death was not part of the plan. It’s the great interruptor of fellowship with those we love. Thankfully, Christ has come to give hope in place of hopelessness, healing in place of pain. Ultimately, death has lost its sting. In the here and now, however, we still face that sting, and it’s greatest during the holidays and other special times of the year. The only cure, the only salve comes through Christ.
Chuck,
Thank you for sharing your heart and soul. I grieve with you and I hope with you. I admire your faith in the midst of such deep losses. I am praying for you. If you ever want to talk, shoot me an email and we can arrange a phone call (rpm dot ministries at g mail dot com).
Bob
Thanks, Bob. I appreciate the offer and your ministry through RPM. I was reading a passage from Lamentations today that seems appropriate to the circumstances and time of year.
“I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.’
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.”
Lamentations 3:19-26