Sexual Abuse: Beauty for Ashes

I recently submitted the first draft of my second booklet in the P & R Publishing series The Gospel for Real Life. P & R released my first booklet last month, Anxiety: Anatomy and Cure.

My second booklet is tentatively entitled Sexual Abuse: Beauty for Ashes. Though it will not be released for some time, here’s the “working introduction” to the booklet (unedited yet by the P & R Publishing team).

Sexual Abuse: Beauty for Ashes 

It was the day after their twin sons’ eleventh birthday that Ashley and her husband, Nate, came to see me at church. Ashley, with trembling voice, shaking hands, and tears streaming down her face, shared with me that twenty-five years earlier, not long after her eleventh birthday, a relative had begun sexually abusing her.

Those who knew Ashley would have been shocked. She grew up in a church-going home, was active at church as an adult, served as a group leader in the women’s ministry, and was always “pleasant.”

As Ashley described herself, “Yes, I’m the good girl from the good home. The good Mom, the good wife. But nobody knows the ugliness I feel inside me. Nobody knows how I’ve pretended and denied all these years. And I just can’t keep faking it any longer. Inside, I’m a messed. Depressed to the point that at times I’ve thought of suicide. Always fearful and anxious—terrified I’ll displease someone. Terrified someone will find out what an empty but evil thing I am…”

As Ashley’s voice trailed off, Nate asked, “Pastor Bob, can you help? Does the Bible offer any hope for my wife?”

Grace for Our Disgrace

Nate’s questions are likely your questions. “Can the church help those who have been sexually abused? Does Christianity, the gospel, God’s Word offer hope for those who have experienced the horrors of sexual abuse?” You may be asking because you’re a “people-helper.” You may be asking because someone you love has been abused and you feel helpless. You may be asking because you’re a sexual abuse “survivor,” but you don’t feel like you’re surviving much at all.

Nate’s questions are fair questions, especially since the church seems to be in as much denial as some abuse victims. Recently, while presenting before a group of over 100 pastors, I asked how many had preached on sexual, physical, or emotional abuse in the past five years. Not one hand went up. I asked how many had received any training in Bible college or seminary to assist them to minister to sexual abuse victims. Again, not a single hand shot up.

I asked how many had ever preached on 2 Samuel 13 or any of the “texts of terror” (passages, especially in Genesis, that address the abuse of women). Only four men had ever done so, and all four acknowledged that they never related the message to the issue of sexual abuse. Many of the pastors even admitted that when preaching through Genesis or 2 Samuel, they purposefully skipped the texts of terror passages.

Sexual abuse ravages the soul. It causes unimaginable distress, damage, and disgrace. It is faced honestly and openly in the Bible. Yet, we either mistreat it or ignore it. This is to our shame. It is time for a change.

In this booklet, we want to learn how to face sexual abuse face-to-face with Christ. We want to understand how the Evil One attempts to use sexual abuse to destroy faith, hope, peace, and love. We want to obtain wise counsel from the divine Counselor through His Word which teaches us that grace is God’s prescription for the disgrace of sexual abuse. Specifically, we want to journey together on God’s pathway:

1) From loss of trust to faith

2) From powerlessness to hope

3) From shame to shalom and peace

4) From being used and feeling useless to love

Before we begin, I want to share a personal word to those who have been sexually abused. I know you wonder if the shattered pieces of your life can be put back together. I know you long for compassionate wisdom for moving from victim to victor in Christ.

In what you’re about to read, I want to walk with you through 2 Samuel 13 on a journey with Tamar—a woman who endured sexual abuse at the hands of her half-brother. With Tamar, we will learn how to apply gospel truth to our lives so we can experience four living examples of the truth that where sin abounds, grace super-abounds.

Together, we’ll experience:

1) Sustaining faith that preserves trust in the midst of doubt,

2) Healing hope that clings to the goodness of God in the midst of the badness of life,

3) Reconciling peace that receives Christ’s grace in the midst of our disgrace,

4) Guiding love that offers beauty in the midst of ashes.

Join the Conversation 

If you’re wanting to read a powerful biblical testimony of the damage done by sexual abuse, read and ponder 2 Samuel 13 and Tamar’s story. What can we learn from Tamar’s narrative about a biblical perspective on sexual abuse?

RPM Ministries: Equipping You to Change Lives with Christ’s Changeless Truth