A Word from Bob: You’re reading Part 9 in my blog mini-series on Half Biblical Ministry to the Suffering. The series was prompted by a yet-to-be-published work in the biblical counseling field that highlighted truth-telling for people who are suffering, but de-emphasized relationship building with those who are suffering. Based upon my biblical study and my study of the history of how the church has engaged with suffering brothers and sisters, it is my conviction that truth-telling and relationship-building must be combined for any counseling that desires to be considered comprehensively biblical. Here are titles/links to my first 8 posts:

• Half Biblical Ministry to the Suffering
• Counseling Without Loving Compassion
• Mingling Our Sufferings and Sorrows
• Job’s Miserable Counselors: How Not to Counsel
• Climbing in the Casket: Rich Soul Empathy
• 5 Marks of Compassionate Biblical Counseling
• 4 Christlike Characteristics of a Biblical Comforter 
• Gospel Listening

God’s Word about Our Words

Sometimes in the biblical counseling world we have perhaps conveyed the idea that if a secular system of counseling utilizes a given skill, technique, or competency, then it must be unbiblical and we should shun it. At times we think that about listening. However, God’s Word has much to say about our need to listen well to one another’s words. 

Principle 1: Our Words Are Powerful: Proverbs 18:21 

“The tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21). The tongue, says James, is a small body part with power far beyond its size (James 3:1-5a). “Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire” (James 3:5b-6). God’s Word calls biblical counselors to listen carefully to the powerful life and death words of our counselees. 

Principle 2: Our Words Are Meaningful: Proverbs 18:4; 20:5 

“The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters” (Proverbs 18:4). “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out” (Proverbs 20:5). Words carry the soul’s longings, beliefs, purposes, and feelings. Through careful, caring listening, we can perceive the depth of the soul. Through active, accurate listening, we can draw out the motivations of the heart—the hidden desires, convictions, goals, and emotions.    

Some may counter, “But doesn’t Jeremiah 17:9 teach that we can’t know the heart?” “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). But we stop too soon when we ignore the next verse. “I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind” (Jeremiah 17:10a). In the New Testament we read, “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword. It penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).

Jeremiah 17:9-10 teaches us that apart from the Spirit of God and the Word of God we can’t understand the motives of the heart. It is a warning against any self attempt or secular attempt to understand the soul apart from the Creator of the soul. Hebrews 4:12 along with Proverbs 18:4 and 20:5 teach the biblical counselor that through the Word of God, the Spirit of God, and relationships among the people of God we can and should listen to and draw out the issues of the heart. 

Principle 3: Our Words Convey Soul Messages: Psalm 39:1-3; Matthew 12:33-37 

“Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). Spoken words flow out of the depths of the heart revealing the content of the heart. The good heart bears nourishing fruit conveyed by wholesome words, while the evil heart bears poisonous fruit conveyed by unwholesome words. If we want to know our counselees, then we must listen skillfully to their words.

Principle 4: Our Words Are Worthy of Soulful Attentiveness: Proverbs 18:13; James 1:19 

“He who answers before listening—that is his folly, that is his shame” (Proverbs 18:13). “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). The caring soul carefully listens to words spoken from the soul. 

Principle 5: Our Words Reflect One of Two Life Interpretations: Job 42:7  

“After the Lord had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, ‘I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has’” (Job 42:7). Job and his friends witnessed one situation, but derived two vastly different interpretations. The set of information involved Job’s life experiences. The first interpretation consisted of the works, condemnation, cursing, and shame narrative which was inspired by Satan. The second consisted of the grace, faith, openness, and acceptance narrative which was inspired by God. According to God, Job got him right; Job’s friends got God all wrong.

Whenever we listen, we listen for three sets of stories. We listen for our counselee’s life stories: listening attentively to what they’re saying about what they’re experiencing. Then we listen to two possible interpretations of their stories. We listen attentively for signs of Satan’s narrative creeping in. And we listen attentively to God’s narrative gaining dominance. These competing interpretive frameworks are at work in every life story.

The Rest of the Story 

In our next post, we’ll use the acrostic of LISTEN to outline 6 biblical counseling norms for listening well and wisely.

More of the Story 

Today’s principles from God’s Word come from my book, Gospel Conversations: How to Care Like Christ.

Join the Conversation 

Which of the 5 listening/communications principles do you find most important in your relationships? In your ministry?