In biblical counseling, we often talk about the pastor/counselor collaborating with the counselee to develop “homework” assignments for the counselee. What can the counselee do in-between sessions to keep the change going?

However, we much less frequently discuss the counselor’s homework. What could we be doing in-between counseling meetings with a counselee in order to prepare for our next session with them? Here are 5 activities I engage in the week in-between meetings to prepare for an upcoming counseling meeting. 

#1: Pray: Be Christ-Dependent

I pray for Philippians 1:9-11 wisdom for our counseling and for my counselees: wisdom to discern what is best in their situation so that they can grow more like Christ and glorify Christ more.

I pray specific prayers based upon the previous and upcoming sessions. “Lord, please help Tammi and Eric to…”

I pray for strength from above. “Father, empower me and empower Logan to apply your Word to Logan’s life…”

#2: Ponder: Be Curious 

I review my counseling notes—sometimes just the previous session and sometimes many or all of the preceding meetings. I especially seek to identify important themes and patterns. “What are the heart issues?” “What are the reoccurring relational struggles?”

Don’t think of this simply in “technocratic terms.” Instead, be curious. “Who is this person?” “What’s the key to his heart?” “What is the unique DNA of her soul as designed by God?” “How can unique-me best engage with and minister to unique-him?” “Who is God to this person—how do they see God, relate to Christ?” “How does this person see himself in Christ?”

#3: Probe Passages and Principles 

As I pray for them and ponder patterns, I also probe biblical passages and theological concepts that relate to the issues we’ve been highlighting. I’m exploring the Scriptures for person-specific and situation-unique wisdom.

“What biblical principles most specifically apply to the couple I’m meeting with?” “What biblical passages could provide the greatest wisdom, encouragement, and conviction for this person with this struggle?” “Where could we turn to worship the Lord together?” “What passages might help this person to grasp how wide, long, high, and deep the love of God is in Christ?”

#4: Prepare 

Based upon prayer, pondering, and probing passages, I begin to identify specific goals, directions, and areas of focus for our next meeting together. “What should my goals be as his counselor?” “Where could we best focus together?” “How could we journey together to help her with _____?” “Of everything going on in this couple’s marriage, what one or two areas are most vital for us to discuss this week?”

#5: Provide Private Communication 

In the past decade, perhaps the most important addition I’ve made to my counseling is communicating with my counselees in-between sessions via either email or text messages.

First, a caution—use wisdom and discretion. Before emailing or texting a counselee about counseling, get their permission. Find out what email address or text number they prefer. Explore who, if anyone, sees or has access to their email. There are also simple programs to password protect emails. Use safeguards to keep your communication as confidential as possible. But realize that anything you send could eventually enter the public domain.

Second, be careful what you write—focus on positives. As with any relationship, remember the rule-of-thumb: save difficult or negative interactions for in-person meetings. Use email and texts for positive communication.

Third, if I’m communicating with a member of the opposite sex via email or text, then I’m copying her husband, the parents, an advocate, or a co-counselor.

Fourth, consider these areas of communication via email or text. I’ll often:

• Affirm and encourage.
• Empathize and comfort.
• Share positive summaries of the previous meeting. “Wow! I’m amazed at how you two are…!”
• Paint positive word pictures about their progress. “When I think of the progress God is producing in your life, the picture that keeps coming to mind is ____.”
• Check in to see how the person or couple is doing. “We shared some hard stuff. You guys were honest with each other. How are you doing this week? How are you feeling?”
• Write a prayer of request, supplication, thanks, or praise related to our most recent meeting.
• Share additional biblical passages and scriptural wisdom principles or follow-up on passages and principles we discussed.
• Ponder together possible directions and next steps for the person or couple.
• Ask a lot of stretching questions.
• Keep them accountable for their homework. How’s it going in following through on ____?”

Counselees love this! They can’t believe that I’m thinking about them, praying for them, and caring about them in-between meetings.

Also, when it comes time to check in on their homework, they’re motivated. They know that I’m spending time in-between meetings thinking about them. So, if I’m doing homework, they feel some “godly pressure” to be sure they’re doing their homework.

Join the Conversation 

To what extent is this a new idea to you—that the counselor is actively working on the counseling case and working with the couple during the week?

If it’s not new, what do you typically do in-between sessions to follow-up on and prepare for the next session?                      

What do you typically do in terms of communication with the couple in-between sessions?

What might you want to add in terms of what you do in-between sessions to follow-up on the past session and to prepare for the next session?

What might you want to add in terms of communication with the couple in-between sessions?

Written communication with counselees is helpful, but needs to be done wisely and carefully. What cautions might you add related to written communication with counselees? What safeguards might you put into place to maintain confidentiality?

For More Equipping as a Competent Biblical Counselor

Learn and develop 22 biblical counseling competencies with Gospel Conversations: How to Care Like Christ.