A Word from Bob

This series became my book, Consider Your Counsel: Addressing Ten Mistakes in Our Biblical Counseling. For free resources related to the book, and to purchase a copy on sale, go here.

You’re reading Part 4 of a 10-part blog series on 10 Common Mistakes Biblical Counselors Sometimes Make. For Part 1, see: Mistake #1: We Elevate Data Collection Above Soul Connection. (Part 1 also contains further background, explanation, and “motivation” for this series.) For Part 2, see: Mistake #2: We Share God’s Eternal Story Before We Listen Well and Wisely to Our Friend’s Earthly Story. For Part 3, see: Mistake #3: We Talk at Counselees Rather Than Exploring Scriptures with Counselees.

Mistake #4: We Practice Half-Biblical Counseling If We Address Sin but Neglect Suffering

 In the 1960s, Frank Lake noted that:

“Pastoral care is defective unless it can deal thoroughly both with the evils we have suffered as well as with the sins we have committed.”[i]

The modern biblical counseling movement has made tremendous strides in the past several decades in addressing both sin and suffering. Most biblical counselors now helpfully look at Christian counselees through the lens of saints who face suffering and battle against sin on their sanctification journey.

And yet, as I supervise counselors—whether experienced pastors or lay people who are “rookie” counselors-in-training—I continue to detect a pattern where we look at fellow Christians predominantly through the grid of depravity, and we think of counseling primarily as “spotting idols of the heart.”

This one-dimensional lens can cause great harm. As I hinted at in Part 2, I recently observed a counselor listening to a wife talk about the fear she felt in the presence of her husband. Rather than further exploring the context for this fear, the counselor began to press in about “sinful fear” and the failure to trust the Lord. The counselor was about to address ways to cling to Christ in the midst of sinful fears, when I stepped in. We then began to co-counsel and explore the situation more fully—coming to understand that there were legitimate reasons to be fearful. This woman’s safety and her suffering were the appropriate places to focus, not some perceived “sinful fear.”

Frank Lake describes what happens to counselees when counselors minimize suffering.

“But, like Job, they complain of the comforters whose one-track minds have considered only the seriousness of sin, and not the gravity of grinding affliction.”^[ii]

If we are not carefully self-assessing our biblical counseling, we could become guilty of one-track “sin-spotting.” Instead, let’s be comprehensive, compassionate biblical counselors.

Let’s Not Water Down Sin by Ignoring Suffering 

When you start talking about addressing both sin and suffering, some people will raise the question, “So, are you saying that our greatest problem is our brokenness and being sinned against, instead of saying that our greatest problem is our personal sinfulness?”

I’m saying:

1. Our greatest problem is sin. 

2. Our greatest need is Christ as our Savior from sin. 

3. Sin reveals itself in our sinning against God and one another. 

4. When we sin against one another we cause one another great suffering and pain. 

5. The Trinity models compassion, comfort, and empathy to those in suffering (we’ll address this in Part 5). 

6. The Scriptures command Christians to suffer with, weep with, empathize with, comfort, care, and encourage one another in suffering (we’ll also explore this in Part 5). 

Christ’s victory over sin was not only individual and personal, but also corporate and cosmic. Christ died to dethrone sin. Christ died to defeat every vestige of sin, to obliterate every effect of sin—individual, personal, corporate, and cosmic—including death, suffering, tears, sorrow, mourning, crying, and pain.

That’s why twice in Revelation, John shares the blessed promise that, “God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death, or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Rev. 21:4; see also Rev. 7:17). Christ died to defeat every enemy, every evil, including the devil who holds the power of death (Heb. 2:14-15), and the last enemy—suffering and death (1 Cor. 15:25).

When we invite people to come to us with their grief and suffering, rather than ignoring or minimizing sin, we are actually emphasizing and addressing the full impact of sin. That’s what Lake meant when he said we must deal thoroughly with the evils we have suffered and with the sins we have committed.

Biblical counselors recognize that not all suffering is due to personal sin (compare Job 1-2 and John 9). Therefore, not all counseling focuses upon confrontation of the sins we have committed.

Biblical Counselors Are Parakaletic Counselors for the Sufferer 

The Bible uses the Greek word parakaletic over 110 times in the New Testament. By comparison, it uses the Greek word nouthetic 11 times in the New Testament. The Bible calls us to be both parakaletic comforters of the suffering and nouthetic care-fronters of those battling besetting sins.

The word parakaletic pictures a person called alongside to help another person in need. In John 14, John uses this Greek word when he describes the Holy Spirit as our Comforter/Counselor. He is our encouragement Counselor called not simply alongside, but inside us to help us after Jesus ascends to heaven.

In 2 Corinthians 1:3-7, Paul uses the same root word nine times in five verses to describe the calling of the body of Christ to come along side, empathize with, and encourage one another during times of affliction. God calls each of us to be parakaletic biblical counselors—biblical soul care-givers to those facing suffering and longing for biblical healing hope.

We live in a fallen world and it often falls on us. Biblical counselors gladly assume the role of encouragers to help a friend crushed by the weight of the world. As the Good Samaritan crossed over to the other side and bloodied himself to care for a stranger’s suffering body, so soul care-givers move near to enter the mess and muck of a friend’s suffering soul.

God calls us to develop the competency to be parakaletic comforters who minister to people suffering under the gravity of grinding affliction. “Comfort” is a powerful word both in the English and the Greek. In English, it highlights co-fortitude: the idea that we are fortified when we stand together; we are strengthened when others weep with us and grieve with us (Roman 12:15).

We compassionately identify with people in pain. We reject the shallow pretense that denies suffering. Like Jeremiah, we lament. Like Paul, we groan for home. We’re out of the nest. East of Eden. We’re not home yet. We join our hurting spiritual friend in admitting that life is bad.

Parakaletic Biblical Counselors Are Christ-Centered 

We also insist that God is good. Therefore, we don’t direct people to us. We eschew their becoming dependent upon us. Instead, we redirect people to Christ and the body of Christ. We point suffering friends to their suffering Savior (Hebrews 4:14-16). We remind them what a Friend they have in Jesus.

What is the focus of our parakaletic biblical counseling for suffering? We sometimes miss the profound biblical truth that when we minister to a suffering person our goal is not only to care for them, but also to help them to grow in Christ.

We need to link our ministry to the suffering with the ministry of sanctification—growth in grace. Satan wants sufferers to think that when his life is bad, God is bad, too. We journey with sufferers as they seek a gospel-centered perspective that even when life is bad, God is good. We help suffering friends to find God even when they can’t find relief. 

Assessing Our Biblical Counseling 

• Is our biblical counseling defective because it deals thoroughly with the sins we have committed, but not with the evils we have suffered?

• As biblical counselors, do we sometimes have a one-track mind that considers only the seriousness of sin, but not the gravity of grinding affliction?

• Do we see ourselves as parakaletic biblical counselors—biblical soul care-givers comforting, encouraging, and compassionately caring for those facing suffering?

• As biblical counselors, do we compassionately identify with people in pain and direct them to Christ and the body of Christ for comfort and healing hope?

The Rest of the Story 

I invite you to join us for Part 5:

Mistake #5: We Fail to Follow the Trinity’s Model of Comforting Care

Endnotes

[i]Clinical Theology, 25.

[ii]Ibid.