A Word from Bob—Two New Books on How To Do Biblical Marriage & Family Counseling

In 2020, Baker Books released my two-book series on equipping counselors for biblical marriage and family counseling. They are:

Gospel-Centered Family Counseling: An Equipping Guide for Pastors and Counselors: Click here to learn more.  

Gospel-Centered Marriage Counseling: An Equipping Guide for Pastors and Counselors: Click here to learn more.  

Learn about book 1 in the new 2-book series: Gospel-Centered Marriage Counseling: Marriage Counseling Is Hard! Here’s Your Step-by-Step Training Manual

Counseling Is Complex; Family Counseling Is Beyond Complex! 

I enjoy individual counseling. While messy and complex, listening to, engaging with, and entering into a person’s soul struggle is an honor. While exhausting and demanding, journeying together with another person to Christ’s healing hope is a joy.

However, for many years, like some of you, I endured counseling families. Counseling individuals is complex enough. Where do you start? What do you listen for? How do you compassionately speak truth in love? How do you relate God’s eternal story to people’s earthly story?

Marriage counseling is even more complex than individual counseling. Now you have three sinners, saints, and sufferers in the same room—the wife, the husband, and the counselor! Where in the world do you start?

Family counseling? Now you have a whole group of struggling folks gathered together in the same room. What is family counseling even supposed to look like? Do you just counsel the parents? Just the children? Everyone together? What’s the goal? What does “success” look like?

I can relate to those of you who feel family counseling is intimidating. So, for me and for you, I’ve search the Scriptures asking:

“What would a model of family counseling look like that was built solely upon Christ’s gospel of grace?” 

Thus the title of this book: Gospel-Centered Family Counseling. This is not a secular family systems therapy manual. This book seeks to equip God’s people to competently relate Christ’s gospel to family suffering and sin.

Learning How to Relate Truth to Family Life

The answer to feeling intimidated and incompetent is not to ignore the issue—because that is impossible. Family issues are increasingly flooding the church. Marriages are a mess. Families are in disarray. The pastors and counselors I know are frantically searching for practical, biblical help. 

The answer to feeling intimidated by family counseling is learning how to lovingly help families—especially parents—apply biblical truth to their family’s life. We need equipping in the nuts-and-bolts of the truth-in-love process of helping the distressed family sitting in front of us. 

3 Unique Aspects of Gospel-Centered Family Counseling 

So, what makes Gospel-Centered Family Counseling unique?

1.) “Biblical”: A GRACE Foundation

I’ve written Gospel-Centered Family Counseling to provide hands-on training in biblical family counseling. Think about that word “biblical.”

Part 1 of this book (chapters 1-3) offers A GRACE Foundation for Biblical Family Counseling. Theology matters. Christ’s gospel of grace makes a daily difference in our families. Christ’s eternal story invades and impacts our daily story. Part 1 introduces you to a GRACE model of family counseling, family life, and parenting:

Five Marks of GRACE-Focused Family Living and Family Counseling.

2.) “Hands-On”: A How-To Training Manual

But how? How do we take theology, the gospel, grace, and Christ’s story and relate it to the troubled family sitting in front of us? Think of the phrase I used a moment ago: “hands-on.” And consider the sub-title of this book: An Equipping Guide for Pastors and Counselors.

This is not just a book to read. It’s a training manual to use. After every section in every chapter you’ll find training exercises under the heading: Maturing as a Biblical Family Counselor. Overall you will have the opportunity to engage in over 350 such equipping exercises.

This is why Part 2 (chapters 4-13) provides Practical Training for Biblical Family Counselors: How to Develop 22 Family Counseling Relational Competencies. I’ve never been wild about words like “skills” and “techniques” when used with biblical counseling. A central verse that shepherds my counseling ministry is 1 Thessalonians 2:8.

“We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God, but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.”

Paul shares the gospel of God—he models gospel-centered ministry. He also is delighted to share his very own soul because he loves people so much and because they are so dear to him. Paul models truth and love, gospel and relationship. While “relational competency” is still not the greatest phrase, I’ve chosen it to try to capture the gospel/relationship combination central to biblical family counseling.

• Throughout Gospel-Centered Family Counseling you’ll learn a step-by-step relational process for developing twenty-two family counseling relational competencies.

• You’ll learn how to relate Christ’s eternal truth to messy, complex families today.

3.) “Family”: Equipping and Empowering Parents as Family Shepherds

Consider a third word: “family.” Here’s the premise central to this book: 

Children need good, godly parenting more than they need good, godly counseling.

Another way to put this: 

The biblical family counselor must never replace the parents as the primary shepherds in the home.

Gospel-Centered Family Counseling equips parents in twenty-two family shepherding relational competencies. While we may counsel children in some sessions without their parents—depending on age and family situation—it is my conviction that: 

Biblical marriage counselors are counseling parents, in the context of family counseling, to be their children’s best biblical counselors and parental shepherds.

This is not a book on counseling children or counseling teens—needed books for sure. This is a book on counseling the entire family where the primary focus is on empowering parents to shepherd their family. Parents, teens, and younger children are counseled in the context of counseling the entire family.

You might wonder, “Well then, why not just call it Biblical Parental Counseling? “Family” is in the title and is the header of this section for a vital reason. Another premise:

Biblical marriage counseling is not individual counseling with an audience.

The power of family counseling is the ability to observe how the family interacts and how the parents parent—right in front of you. Rather than just hearing second-hand reports of how “Jimmy is disobedient” or “Mom and dad are unfair,” you watch their family dance unfold in front of you.

Additionally, the power of family counseling resides in the ability to “do homework in the session.” Rather than just assigning after-session homework, the parents and children work on their home in front of you where you can coach the family and where you can equip the parents to shepherd their children. This “in front of you” aspect is central to the approach you’ll learn in Gospel-Centered Family Counseling.