A Word from Bob—Two New Books on How To Do Biblical Marriage & Family Counseling

In 2020, Baker Books released my two-book series on equipping counselors for biblical marriage and family counseling. They are:

Gospel-Centered Marriage Counseling: An Equipping Guide for Pastors and Counselors: Click here to learn more.  

Gospel-Centered Family Counseling: An Equipping Guide for Pastors and Counselors: Click here to learn more.   

Learn about book 2 in the new 2-book series: Gospel-Centered Family Counseling: Family Counseling Is Complex! Here’s Your Step-by-Step Training Manual

I Wrote Gospel-Centered Marriage Counseling for You

I wrote this book for you.

I’m picturing you—a pastor—who perhaps had one class on counseling, and possibly zero classes on a gospel-centered, how-to approach to marriage counseling.

I’m picturing you—a trained biblical counselor—who likely had one class on marriage counseling theory/theology. But you probably had no lab class specifically on training you how to provide effective biblical marriage counseling.

I’m picturing you—a “lay person” (not a vocational pastor, a non-professional counselor)—who loves people and marriages. But you feel overwhelmed when trying to help a brokenhearted couple.

I’m picturing you—educators—who teach pastors and counselors in a Christian college or seminary setting. When you search the evangelical publishing landscape, you can find hundreds of books about marriage. Yet, even with your level of academic awareness, you are likely at a loss to identify Christian books that equip your students with a biblical, practical, step-by-step process for learning how to help struggling marriages. You have to turn to the secular publishing landscape to find books focusing on hands-on training in marital therapy. But you are not interested in a worldly way to help Christian marriages. Neither am I. There’s a reason I included the phrase Gospel-Centered in this book title. This is not a secular marital therapy manual. In writing this book, I’ve examined Scripture asking myself,

“What would a model of biblical marriage counseling look like that was built solely upon Christ’s gospel of grace?”

I Wrote Gospel-Centered Marriage Counseling for Me 

I always enjoy interviews related to my books. Interviewers typically start by asking:

“What motivated you to write this book?”

For Gospel-Centered Marriage Counseling, my answer relates both to me and to you.

Like many biblical counselors and pastors, I have an adequate level of comfort, confidence, and competence as a counselor of individuals. I also have provided a good deal of marriage counseling, and for over two decades I have equipped pastors and counselors for marriage counseling.

Marriage Counseling Is Messy! 

Still, I’ve experienced marriage counseling as exponentially more complexed and messy than individual counseling.

Where do you start? How do you sort through all the “he said; she said”? How do you help couples move forward when they are so focused on past hurts? How do you make headway when painful emotions are strewn and thrown everywhere?

But even the complexity of marriage counseling was not enough to motivate me to craft this marriage counseling manual. My motivation arose a year before this book project started. I served as a Lead Elder at our church when our Counseling Pastor informed our elder team that he wanted to move to part-time status. My fellow elders looked at me and said, “Why don’t you do a job share, Bob? Counseling’s in your blood.” So…I agreed.

I met with our Counseling Pastor so he could walk me through cases he wanted to transition to me. I’ll never forget his words as he handed me three thick file folders.

“In my nearly-forty years of pastoral ministry,” he shared, “these are three of the toughest marriage counseling situations I’ve ever worked with.”

My first thought, “What have I gotten myself into!?” My second, more arrogant, thought, “I teach pastors how to do this marriage counseling stuff. These may be his most difficult marriage counseling cases, but I’m a pretty competent counselor…”

You know where I’m headed next. He was right. These three cases were among the most complex marriage counseling cases I had ever experienced in my three decades of ministry.

Two things started happening. First, I began admitting to myself, God, and anyone who would listen that I was “an incompetent marriage counselor without Christ.”

For years, I had highlighted Romans 15:14 about training people to be competent counselors. But now there was something very freeing about acknowledging my incompetence-in-me and pursuing competence-in-Christ. 

Second, I started devouring the materials I used to equip others for marriage counseling. And I started updating and upgrading those notes—scouring God’s Word for wisdom for marriage counseling.

So, what motivated me to write Gospel-Centered Marriage Counseling? I wrote this book for me! I needed God’s help and wisdom if I had any hope of being a competent marriage counselor for those three difficult marriages—and for all other marriages. 

An Equipping Guide for Pastors and Counselors

I’ve written Gospel-Centered Marriage Counseling to provide hands-on training in biblical marriage counseling.

Think about that word “biblical.” Part 1 of this book (chapters 1-3) offers A Theological Primer for Biblical Marriage Counseling. Theology matters. Christ’s gospel of grace makes a daily difference in our marriages. Christ’s eternal story invades and impacts our daily story.

But how? How do we take theology, the gospel, and Christ’s story and relate it to the troubled couple sitting in front of us? Think of the phrase I used a moment ago: “hands-on.” And consider this book’s sub-title:

An Equipping Guide for Pastors and Counselors.

This is not just a book to read. It’s a training manual to use. After every section in every chapter you’ll find training exercises under the heading: Maturing as a Biblical Marriage Counselor.

Overall you’ll have the opportunity to engage in over 300 such equipping exercises. This is why Part 2 (chapters 4-13) provides Practical Training for Biblical Marriage Counselors: How to Develop 22 Marriage Counseling Relational Competencies.

I’ve never been too wild about words like “skills” and “techniques” when used with biblical counseling. A central verse that shepherds my counseling ministry is 1 Thessalonians 2:8.

“We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God, but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.”

Paul shares the gospel of God—he models gospel-centered ministry. He’s also delighted to share his very own soul because he loves people so much and because they’re dear to him. Paul models truth and love, gospel and relationship. While “relational competency” is still not the greatest phrase in the world, I’ve chosen it to try to capture the gospel/relationship combination that is central to biblical marriage counseling.

• Throughout Gospel-Centered Marriage Counseling you’ll learn a step-by-step relational process for developing twenty-two marriage counseling relational competencies.

• You’ll learn how to relate Christ’s eternal truth to messy, complex marriages today.

My Motivation to Write and Your Motivation to Read 

What motivated me to write Gospel-Centered Marriage Counseling?

My motivation to write is likely the same as your motivation to read this book.

We each want to glorify God by growing as biblical marriage counselors who apply Christ’s gospel of grace to help hurting and hurtful spouses to become Christlike and Christ-honoring spouses.