A Word from Bob: You’re reading Part 2 of a two-part blog mini-series. You can read Part 1 here: A Tale of Two Passages. In Part 1, we focused on 2 Corinthians 1:8-9a. Notice that I say “9a.” We purposefully dropped off the conversation before the second half of the verse—so we could focus our attention on the depth of Paul’s suffering. Paul would say, “Suffer deeply and honestly.” We tend to say, “Suffer well.”
If I Hear “Suffer Well” One More Time, I May Become Ill…
If you’ve heard the phrase “suffer well” in the biblical counseling world once, then you’ve likely heard it a few 100 times. When I hear it, here’s what I hear:
“Suffer well. Buck up! God works all things together for good. Quit the pity party. Don’t you know you can and should hope in God!? Deny your feelings. Faith matters, not feelings. Grow up. Stop complaining. Be happy. Count your blessings.”
I fear that “suffer well” has become an evangelical code word for “stop feeling!”
But biblically, “suffer well” is much more complex. Much richer. More robust.
“Side” One of Suffering Well: Lament
“Suffer well” as modeled by the Apostle Paul includes the honest lament we explored in Part 1 from 2 Corinthians 1:8-9a.
“We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death.”
Suffering well includes the candid complaints of the myriad lament psalms. “How long, O Lord, will you forget me forever?” (see Psalm 13). “The darkness is my closest friend” (see Psalm 88).
Suffering well includes the model of our perfect Savior who lived as a man of sorrows, deeply acquainted with grief (see Isaiah 53). He cried out on the cross, “My God, My God, why hath Thou forsaken me”—expressing words from a lament psalm.
God invites us to “suffer well” by “lamenting deeply.” By honestly, candidly, and vulnerably admitting our inner confusion, deep pain, and rich emotional sorrow.
Biblical Counseling and Lament: “Climbing in the Casket”
So, as biblical counselors, how do we respond to this lament “side” of “suffering well”? Part 1, A Tale of Two Passages, provides part of my answer.
Here’s another part. In church history, soul care-givers responded to sufferers with “sustaining biblical counseling.” In sustaining, we give people permission to grieve. In sustaining, we communicate that in a fallen world it’s normal to hurt—to lament.
I use a rather macabre image for sustaining—an image I drew directly from 2 Corinthians 1:8-9. Sustaining biblical counselors:
Climb in the Casket.
Paul “suffered well” by making sure the Corinthians knew that he “despaired of life and felt the sentence of death.” Paul felt like he was a dead man lying in a casket. And he didn’t want the Corinthians to be ignorant of this!
- Biblical counselors climb in the casket by listening well to human lament—lingering listening.
- Biblical counselors climb in the casket by empathizing soul to soul with a brother or sister who feels like a dead man or woman walking.
- Biblical counselors “feel before we fix.”
- Biblical counselors enter hurt before we race people to hope.
- Biblical counselors listen to people’s earthly story of lament before and as we listen together to God’s eternal story of heavenly hope.
- Biblical counselors are like the Holy Spirit who groans with people (Romans 8:26-27) before He guides people into the truth that God works all things together for good. Biblical counselors groan before we guide.
“Side” Two of Suffering Well: Trust
“Side two” is the aspect of biblical suffering that most biblical counselors seem to focus on when they say “suffer well.” It’s the side of hoping in God. It’s the side of 2 Corinthians 1:9b:
“But this happened so that we might not rely upon ourselves, but upon God—the One who raises the dead.”
In the history of soul care, this “side” of suffering well was called “healing” with the focus on knowing that it’s possible to hope. Even when life is bad, God is good—He’s good all the time.
“Side two” includes exploring God’s Word to see that He works all things—including suffering—together for His glory and our good. “Side two” seeks to pivot back and forth between our friend’s earthly story of suffering-lament and God’s eternal story of healing-hope.
And we don’t simply take folks to a concept; we take them to a person, the Person—their dead-raising God (more on this momentarily).
Yes, we always move to “side two” and to our God of healing hope. So what’s my issue with how we often counsel people to “suffer well”? My problem—we all too often race to this “side” before we patiently enter the “side” of lament. Or, as one friend on Facebook put it after reading Part 1:
- We tend to “theologize” before we “empathize.”
Yes, let’s help people to “suffer well” by hoping in God. But let’s always also help people to “suffer well” by lamenting deeply and richly to God.
Biblical Counseling and Trust: “Celebrating the Empty Tomb”
So, as biblical counselors, how do we respond to this trust “side” of “suffering well”? If in sustaining we climbed in the earthly casket, then in healing we celebrate the empty tomb.
We invite people to invite their dead-raising God into their casket of despair.
In sustaining, we invite people to be candid about their feelings. In healing, we invite people to be candid about their faith.
According to Paul, enriching our faith is one of God’s primary uses of our suffering. Suffering happens to us “so that we might not rely upon ourselves, but on God who raises the dead” (2 Corinthians 1:9b).
The word “rely” is the form of an oft-used biblical word for “faith.” It means to trust in, to put confidence in, to confide in, to rely upon—to place hope in.
Suffering is a choice point. The first choice point: “Will I deny, pretend, and stuff, or will I candidly lament to God?”
Our second suffering choice point: “Will I hope in myself and my resources, or will I hope in God and His resources?”
“Will I respond to my suffering by turning in upon myself in self-reliance and self-sufficiency? Or, will I respond to my suffering by turning outside myself and turning upward to God in humble dependence and Christ-sufficiency?”
This is probably what most of us think about when they say, “Suffer well.” That is—“Cling to Christ.”
That direction is wonderful. As we’ve said, the issue is the timing. The problem is racing past people’s earthly story of despair and lament. The problem is guiding without groaning.
Engaging in Deep Soul Work
Here’s the saddest part of this problem:
When we race past lament, we race past the most fertile soil-growing opportunity.
When we lament with people, they candidly face their despair, their casket, their hopelessness. Now, in compassionate companionship we empathetically ask:
“Finding yourself in this horrific, dark, dank, despairing casket, you’ve cried out to God. He’s come. He hears. He cares. He is the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort. It’s crystal clear now, isn’t it. You can’t handle this on your own. Neither could I. Your resources are spent. God’s are eternal, infinite, and intimate…”
Now we can do deep biblical soul work because the soil of their soul has been tilled by God into fertile ground. Despair is the absence of hope. So now, together we explore the tale of two trusts. Do we keep clinging to our futile hope-in-self, or do we start dependently clinging to our hope-in-God.
- “What will it look like for you to invite the God who raises the dead into your casket?
- “In this casket, who will you trust? Who will you cling to? Who will you hope in? Yourself? Or God?”
- “What will it look like for you to relinquish trust in yourself and raise empty palms up to God as you trust in Him alone?”
- “Who is God to you? Do you envision Him right now as Paul did in his casket—as the God who raises the dead? What would it mean for you if you would start seeing God as the One who raises the dead?”
- “What dead parts of your soul are you trusting God to resurrect?”
In Summary
As Solomon might say: here is the conclusion of this matter:
- We “suffer most well” when we first lament most deeply.
- We trust most deeply when we first lament most honestly.
Join the Conversation
Which “side” of suffering well do you tend to focus on in your own life—deep lamenting or clinging trusting?
Which “side” of suffering well do you tend to focus on in your counseling ministry to others—deep lamenting or clinging trusting?
In what ways might today’s post motivate you to redefine what you think of when you hear or when you say “suffer well”? How would you now define “suffering well”?
