A Word from Bob
You’re reading Part 4 of a blog mini-series on biblical empathy.
- You can read Part 1 here: Truth Without Empathy Is Sin.
- You can read Part 2 here: Rich Soul Empathy—Climbing in the Casket.
- You can read Part 3 here: How to Be a Miserable, Non-Empathetic, “Comforter.”
Mini-Series Introduction
There’s been some controversy in Evangelical Christian circles the past year about “empathy,” with some saying, “empathy is sinful.” For 36 years (since 1985), I’ve equipped God’s people for compassionate, empathetic one-another care. So, this issue has been important to me long before the current controversy. In this blog mini-series, rather than giving you a negative critique of posts that say, “empathy is sinful,” I’m seeking to offer a positive presentation of what the Bible says about empathetic one-another care. Simply stated: I desire to present a brief biblical case for biblical empathy—what it is, why it’s vital, and how we minister Christlike empathy to one another. And, rather than “re-inventing the wheel,” I’m taking this series from the culmination of 36 years of thinking about this topic, as summarized in my equipping book, Gospel Conversations: How to Care Like Christ.
1. Biblical Empathy Is “As If” Relating
Rich soul empathy involves our capacity for “as if” relating. The Church Father, Ambrose, wrote:
“Show compassion for those who suffer. Suffer with those who are in trouble as if being in trouble with them.”[i]
Soul empathy requires compassionate imagination. We need to imagine what it is like for our friends to experience their suffering. To understand others with intimate knowledge, we must read into their experiences asking:
“What is it like to experience and perceive the world through their soul, their eyes, their feelings?”
Hebrews 2:14-18 and 4:15-16 teach that empathy is not less than, but more than, intellectual. It is also experiential. Biblical, Christ-like empathy shares the experiences of another, connecting through common inner experiences. Such soul sharing occurs by way of incarnation—entering another’s world and worldview.
2. Biblical Empathy Is Shared Sorrow
As one-another ministers, the more human we are, the more real, the more fully alive and passionate, the more we will tune into others. Then we’ll experience a sympathetic resonance no matter the melody, dirge, minor or major key, or discordant note.
When our soul is attuned to others, then we “pick up their radio waves, the vibes of their inner reactions.” Having accomplished this, we need to go the distance. We need to communicate to our spiritual friends in a way that helps them to “have empathy with our empathy.” They need to feel that we feel with them. Otherwise, their sorrow is not shared, it is simply “understood.” When both our “soul radios” are tuned to the same frequency, then we can share our soul friends’ experiences. We share their sorrows by climbing in the casket with them, and they know we are there.
While death is separation; shared sorrow is connection. It is the stitch connecting the wound. It is the healing balm. However, shared sorrow must never be a healing replacement. It must not replace grief.
Shared sorrow does not purpose to eliminate sorrow, to rescue, or to cheer up. Shared sorrow purposes to help another to face and embrace sorrow—face-to-face with Christ.
3. Biblical Empathy Is Koinonia (The Fellowship of Suffering): Progressively Intense Connection/Communion
Effective soul empathy includes several “levels.”
- Level One Empathy: “How would that affect an image bearer?” Here we seek to understand the other person through God’s eyes. A foundational level of empathy, it builds upon a universal biblical understanding of people.
- Level Two Empathy: “How would that affect an image bearer like me?” Here we seek to understand another person through our eyes. A filtering level, we use our life as a filter through which we relate God’s truth to our friend’s life. We prayerfully ponder what it would be like for us if we were facing what they are facing.
- Level Three Empathy: “How would that affect an image bearer like this particular person?” Here we understand the other person through their eyes. We move from universal to unique In this final, deepest level of soul empathy we need to:
- Adopt Their Soul Experience: We replace our internal frame of reference with theirs. We seek to sense what it is like to be him—through his longings, perspective, motivations, feelings.
- Express Their Soul Experience: We express in our own words what we sense they have communicated about their longings, perspective, motivations, and feelings about the situation.
- Encourage Them to Accept Their Soul Experience: We nudge them to acknowledge their own inner responses to their outer situation. We help them to verbalize how they are responding internally.
- Help Them to Evaluate Their Soul Experience: We want to help then to begin to assess how they are responding to their suffering, how near or far their perspective on their situation is from God’s perspective, how near or far the motivations of their heart are from God’s will, and how well or poorly they are facing their feelings face-to-face with God.
I’m sure you’ve detected that empathy is much more than a hug. It also is more than trying to sense how someone feels. Biblical rich soul empathy is a comprehensive sensing of what the whole person longs for in their situation, what they think about their situation, what their goals are in their situation, and then how they feel about their situation.
Rich soul empathy like this not only helps us to better understand how our friend is responding to her suffering. It helps our friend to better understand and honestly face her inner responses. We become a mirror reflecting back to our friend what is going on in her soul. The more clearly she understands her inner responses, the more powerfully and profitably she can take her soul to the Shepherd of her soul.
The Rest of the Story
Join us for Part 5, where we’ll:
- Learn from empathy from God: “The Trinity as Our model for Empathy.”
Join the Conversation
In your hurt, who has cared for you with “as if” relating?
In your hurt, who has shared your sorrow?
In your hurt, who has joined you in the fellowship of your suffering?
Sources
[i]Quoted in, Thomas Oden, Classical Pastoral Care, Vol. 3, p. 8, emphasis added.
