A new book by Abigail Shrier is all the rage: Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up. As the title and subtitle suggest, Shrier opines that bad therapy, especially in the form of “gentle parenting,” is ruining the current generation of children in America.
I have been posting about the book on my X (Twitter) account and in my Facebook Gospel-Centered Biblical Counseling group. I’ve seen a number of online mentions of Shrier’s book, some predominantly positive, especially by fellow biblical counselors here and here, and by evangelical Christians. I’ve seen several negative reviews (such as here, here, here, and here), but none by biblical counselors. I’ve seen some Christian reviews that share positives and negatives.
I hope to do a much longer, more comprehensive biblical counseling review of Bad Therapy. For now, I wanted to share a few preliminary thoughts.
Some Thoughts…and Biblical Counseling Concerns
First I am not a proponent of “gentle parenting.” However, for a number of reasons, I do have concerns about biblical counselors giving positive reviews of Bad Therapy without clear descriptions of biblical concerns. My more comprehensive review will note some strengths of the book, but also highlight weaknesses and concerns.
Here, briefly for now, are ten biblical counseling concerns I have about Shrier’s book, Bad Therapy. (With tongue in cheek, I thought about entitling this post, Bad Vibes About Bad Therapy).
Biblical Counseling Concern #1. Shrier bases her view of parenting on evolutionary psychology. In my longer review, I will note and quote the many times she quotes and references evolutionary psychologists as the foundation of her parenting model. I’ve not heard any other biblical counselors even noting this important reality.
Biblical Counseling Concern #2. Shrier’s view of parenting is contrary to a biblical view of parenting in passages such as Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21; and others. (I develop an Ephesians 6:4 model of parenting in Raising Kids in the Way of Grace: 5 Practical Marks of Grace-Focused Parenting.) As Concerns #3-4 note, Shrier is vehemently negative toward (and even mocks) parental attunement to children’s emotions, toward parental empathy, and toward teaching children empathy. She takes what she sees as emotional extremes in today’s parents, and then suggests the polar opposite—taking us back to distant, aloof, emotionally stunted parenting. Consider how different this is from the biblical model in Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” Here, and in Ephesians 6:4, Scripture commands fathers/parents to focus on the emotional impact of their parenting. Some have countered that her “solutions” section is a small part of the book. I disagree. Throughout her book, Shrier ridicules, scorns, and derides the place of emotions and empathy in children, parents, and teachers. It would be a dreadful outcome if biblical counselors applaud this worldly book, and as a result their counselees and parishioners apply this unbiblical parenting mindset. (In a future review, I’ll provide the quotes from Bad Therapy to further support my concern.)
Biblical Counseling Concern #3. Shrier’s theology of emotions is unbiblical. I will say more about this in my more comprehensive review. I have written about emotions in many places, including in Consider Your Counsel.
Biblical Counseling Concern #4. Shrier’s theology of empathy is unbiblical. I will say more about this in my more comprehensive review. I have written about empathy in many places, including here in Empathy Is Biblical.
Biblical Counseling Concern #5. Shrier strongly affirms CBT, DBT, and progressive exposure therapy/treatment, which many biblical counselors disagree with strongly. If one wants to highlight her descriptions of the problem, it probably would be wise to evaluate, or at the very least, mention, her secular prescriptions for the solution.
Biblical Counseling Concern #6. It’s a secular book, so it’s not a surprise, but it is still important to note that there are zero mentions of Christ, salvation, sin, sanctification, the Bible, Christian/biblical counseling, pastors, the church.
At the very least, concerns #1-6 should be shared with people when biblical counselors talk about Bad Therapy.
Biblical Counseling Concern #7. Shrier’s investigative reporting approach relies on co-belligerent research—only quoting those who agree with her. I suppose this is fine if all you want to read are views that agree with Shrier. But I believe fair and balance research is better/more honest. I’ve written more about the problems and pitfalls of the use of co-belligerent research here: Biblical Counseling and Scientific Research. Many other reviewers have critiqued Shrier’s research methodology, including here, here, and here.
Biblical Counseling Concern #8. Would biblical counselors approve of her investigative reporting research approach if Shrier penned a 250-page book only quoting people who are against biblical counseling and only presenting 250 pages of negatives about biblical counseling? I know some biblical counselors have not appreciated when The Roys Report and her investigative reporters have presented completely negative reviews of biblical counseling such as here.
Biblical Counseling Concern #9. In several occurrences that I’ve seen already, she misrepresents people she quotes. One author has already written that Shrier used her research incorrectly.
Biblical Counseling Concern #10. Some biblical counselors are very much against evidenced-based research, descriptive psychological research, and common grace findings. Yet, when a book seems to affirm things we affirm (even though Bad Therapy really does not), all of a sudden we are wowed by it. So, I would ask:
Do we really need a book like Bad Therapy, which is not based on biblical ideas about parenting, and does not present biblical solutions?
Are the Scripture’s teaching on parenting not sufficient enough for us?
It seems that we biblical counselors should be consistent: either we don’t see common grace secular research as potentially legitimate, or we do. We shouldn’t pick and choose which common grace secular research we applaud simply on the basis that it seems to affirm what we affirm.
Those who know me, know that I believe there is a place, under the lens of the sufficient Word of God, for evidenced-based research, descriptive psychological research, and common grace findings. Thus, I try to be consistent in my reviews of books that agree with my positions and in books that disagree with my positions.
A Final Thought
I have not mentioned Shrier’s discussion of The Body Keeps the Score. She spends only 11 pages on that out of 250 pages. Her focus is on gentle parenting. In my more comprehensive review, I may engage briefly with her thoughts on The Body Keeps the Score. For my biblical counseling writings on the embodied-soul, you can visit 48 Resources for Counseling the Whole Person: The Bible, the Body, the Embodied-Soul, Research, Science, and Neuroscience.
