A Word from Bob
This is Part 1 of a three-part series on spiritual abuse.
- Part 1, Definitions and Signs of Spiritual Abuse: Here I define spiritual abuse and share signs of spiritually abusive leadership.
- Part 2: 20 Biblical Passages on Spiritual Abuse: Here I collate and share foundational biblical passages about spiritual abuse.
- Part 3, 43 Resources on Spiritual Abuse: Here I collate, link to, and provide a summary of “classic” and current resources on spiritual abuse.
A Short History of My Acquaintance with Spiritual Abuse
I first began studying issues related to spiritual abuse thirty-two years ago in 1992—when I was experiencing spiritual abuse. I didn’t even know the label “spiritual abuse” at the time. Then I read David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen’s book, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority Within the Church. First published in 1991, as I read the book, it felt like the authors were looking inside my soul and were privy to my situation. They were so “spot-on.”
For the next two decades I studied, taught, and wrote about what the Scriptures say about spiritual abuse. Tim Challies took note, and in 2011, Tim posted a two-part interview with me about spiritual abuse.
- Part 1: On my RPM Ministries site: What Does the Bible Teach About Spiritual Abuse? Part 1 on Tim Challies’s site: Spiritual Abuse.
- Part 2: On my RPM Ministries site: Practical Biblical Responses to Spiritual Abuse. Part 2 on Tim’s site: More on Spiritual Abuse.
Now, thirteen years later, spiritual abuse is a frequent topic of research, blog posts, books, and social media discussions. But What is spiritual abuse? What are signs of spiritual abuse?
My Working Definition of Spiritual Abuse
Thirteen years ago, I developed my definition of spiritual abuse from my study of Scripture. My definition today is similar to how I defined spiritual abuse over a decade ago, but with further development.
Here’s how I introduced my definition in my interview with Tim Challies:
Since this is a blog post and not a book or an academic paper, let’s consider this a “working definition,” or, as I often tell my students, “my current best attempt…”
I build this definition upon twenty biblical passages about abusive spiritual leadership: Jeremiah 5:30-31; Jeremiah 6:13-15; Jeremiah 23:1-4; Ezekiel 34:1-16; Matthew 20:24-28; Matthew 23:1-12; Mark 10:41-45; Luke 11:43-46; Luke 22:24-27; John 10:1-15; Acts 20:28-30; Philippians 1:15-17; 1 Thessalonians 2:3-8; 1 Timothy 3:1-7; 1 Timothy 5:20; 1 Timothy 6:3-5; 2 Timothy 2:23-26; Titus 1:5-9; 1 Peter 5:1-4; 3 John 1:9-10.
This definition focuses on pastoral-shepherding spiritual abuse. However, spiritual abuse can occur in non-church settings such as the home and para-church organizations. See below for how Darby Strickland defines spiritual abuse in marriage.
Here’s my current working definition of spiritual abuse:
Spiritual abuse is a spiritual role-reversal.
Rather than feeding the sheep, the shepherd becomes the wolf feeding on the sheep (Ezekiel 34:1-16; John 10:1-18; Acts 20:25-31). The Chief Shepherd exposes wolves in shepherd’s clothing (1 Peter 5:1-6). The Good Shepherd contrasts Himself with false shepherds (John 10:1-18).
Rather than clinging to and emulating the Great Shepherd by shepherding God’s flock (Acts 20:25-31; Ephesians 4:11-16; Ephesians 5:25-29; 1 Timothy 3:1-7; Titus 1:5-9; 1 Peter 5:1-6), a false shepherd, leader, or person in a position of authority, subtly (or not so subtly) demands that others exist to meet the shepherd’s needs (Matthew 20:24-28; Luke 22:24-27; James 4:1-4).
Rather than relating as a servant leader, the pastor/leader/authority figure pulls rank over others, lords it over others, and bullies others (Matthew 20:24-28; Luke 22:24-27; 1 Peter 5:1-6), living not for the benefit of the sheep, but for the benefit of the shepherd (Ezekiel 34:1-16; John 10:1-18).
Rather than speaking the truth in love, and rather than ministering grace and truth (Galatians 6:1; Ephesians 4:11-16, 29; Colossians 4:3-6; 2 Timothy 2:22-26), the spiritually abusive pastor/leader/authority figure intimidates, judges, condemns, shames, and blames the sheep without regard for the spiritual wellbeing of the sheep (Jeremiah 23:1-4; Matthew 23:1-39).
8 Signs of Spiritual Abuse
As I’ve studied the Scriptures about spiritually abusive leadership, I’ve come to summarize the following attitudes and actions as signs of spiritual abuse.
- Using our spiritual position to control or dominate another person.
- Misusing scriptural passages and biblical concepts to override the thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions of others.
- Using spiritual authority defensively to bolster the position and “needs” of the leader, rather than humbly and lovingly serving others.
- Considering oneself above questioning.
- Questions are assumed to come from a divisive spirit, not from an honest attempt to have give-and-take dialogue. The worst is assumed of the other; the best is assumed of oneself. Dialogue is replaced with monologue—with all “authoritative” communication coming down from the leader.
- Labeling the person who questions us as divisive, wrong, and rebellious, thus subtly shifting the focus and blame. Labels can include accusations such as:
- “You’re being divisive.” “You’re a divisive person.” “You have a divisive spirit.” “You’re disrespectful.” “You’re being disrespectful toward God’s leaders.” “I detect a pattern of anger and a critical spirit.” “You’re rebellious.” “You’re unspiritual and emotionally immature.” “You’re taking this personally.” You’re being too emotional.”
- Such labels heap condemnation, shame, and blame on the recipient, rather than offering wise counsel and humble, constructive feedback.
- Interpreting our spiritual authority to mean that my thoughts and opinions are supreme, or unquestioned, or take priority.
- It is not abusive when a spiritual leader speaks the truth in love and confronts sin in a humble, gracious way. It is abusive, however, if the leader seeks to shame or discredit others, or twists the “truth” to defend himself and to defame others.
- It is not abusive when a spiritual leader uses his best judgment and chooses to go against your opinion. It is abusive, however, if the leader uses his opposing view to devalue and demean others and to demand “his way or the highway.”
Mike Kruger’s Definition of Spiritual Abuse
In his excellent book, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church, Mike Kruger offers this definition of spiritual abuse.
Spiritual abuse is when a spiritual leader—such as a pastor, elder, or head of a Christian organization—wields his position of spiritual authority in such a way that he manipulates, domineers, bullies, and intimidates those under him as a means of maintaining his own power and control, even if he is convinced he is seeking biblical and kingdom-related goals.
Darby Strickland Defines Spiritual Abuse and Religious Abuse in Marriage
Biblical counselor, Darby Strickland, writes and counsels about spiritual abuse in marriage. Darby provides this definition in the article, What Is Spiritual Abuse in Marriage?
Spiritual abuse occurs when an oppressor establishes control and domination by using Bible verses, doctrine, or his “leadership role” as a weapon. This form of abuse can be subtle, because it can mask itself as religious practice. These are signs of spiritual abuse in marriage. A husband: exhibits control-oriented leadership over his wife, lords his power over her, demands submission from her, and uses Scripture in shaming and punishing ways.
In Is It Abuse? A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and Helping Victims, Strickland defines spiritual abuse (inside and outside of marriage) as:
Abuse that occurs when an oppressor establishes control and domination by using Scripture, doctrine, or their “leadership role” as weapons. Spiritual abuse may mask itself as religious practice, or be used to shame or punish.
Strickland provides examples such as using Bible verses to shame or control people, demanding unconditional obedience from them, or using biblical texts or beliefs to minimize or rationalize abusive behaviors.
Join the Conversation
How would you define “spiritual abuse” biblically?
What are signs of spiritually abusive attitudes and actions?
What has your experience been with spiritual abuse?
Thank you Thank you for this article. I feel that God has led me to study deeply in His word regarding this as it is an area of study and seeking in my personal walk and for my family.
Such a timely and informative article
Maybe it would fit with some of the definition and/or categories above but in my experience a sign of spiritual abuse is a “flock mentality.” For example, a spiritually abusive leader instigates an us vs them mentality — so that any criticism, accountability, or consequence directed at the individual is imputed to the whole, i.e. acting against the “shepherd” is acting against the flock. The spiritually abusive leader may give lip service to the Great Shepherd and the Head of the body, but in reality he usurps that position to his advantage and demanding loyalty.
In my ecclesiastical experience I was involved in a discipline case with a pastor. He told the other elders they had to choose between him or those offended. When he was charged with sin he masterfully persuaded a significant portion of the congregation that the whole was being charged with sin, when he was removed from the pastorate we were told we had tried to “decapitate” the congregation, and when he was suspended from the Lord’s Supper the public narrative was that we’d effectively suspended the whole congregation because they wouldn’t participate without him. Spiritually abusive leaders demand loyalty even at the cost of un-churching the church.
I’m very glad that this conversation about spiritual abuse is happening. As someone who has experienced it directly (and still suffers the effects of it), this needs to be talked about.
However, as the conversation about abuse has grown, I’ve also witnessed the inevitable pendulum-swing of the “spiritual abuse” flag being thrown down any time a leader does something that happens to offend someone else.
Sometimes, people are intimidated by a leader even if that person is not being intimidating. Sometimes, people feel like their thoughts and feelings are being overridden when, in reality, they are simply being called to submit their thoughts and feelings to Christ. And sometimes, because they are still being sanctified, leaders can sin and cause hurt in a particular instance when that is not their pattern and regular practice.
That’s why I’d suggest there’s a couple of components missing from most of the definitions of spiritual abuse shared above. First, for abuse to be abuse, it needs to be confirmed by two or three witnesses. In other words, 1 Tim 5:19 needs to be kept in mind. One individual feeling hurt is not sufficient grounds for the accusation of abuse.
Second, a single instance of a genuine sin does not reasonably constitute abuse. The term “abuse” is appropriate when these sins manifest as a consistent pattern.
Thanks for your thoughtful reply. Yes, any term/concept can be misused, which is one reason I addressed what is not abuse, as do the other authors. Regarding the meaning, interpretation, and application of 1 Tim. 5:19, here’s a thought provoking article. https://myonlycomfort.com/2019/08/13/accusing-an-elder/ Often abuse (sexual, emotional, spiritual) happens alone, in isolation, purposefully so that there are no witnesses and the perpetrator can always deny and make it, “he said/she said.”
I think your definition misses another dimension of spiritual abuse. True compassion and contempt are not incompatible. You can truly love someone and think you are smarter than he is. After all, sometimes it’s true. Usually, though, it is contempt. It’s almost built into the notion that you are the shepherd and the other is the sheep. In that case you might truly be acting for the benefit and spiritual well-being of the sheep while usurping his proper agency in his own affairs. I reckon that qualifies as spiritual abuse even when it involves no bullying or feeding of a wolf, and even when it actually does benefit the sheep in some other respect. Among peers we call this meddling.
Many spiritual leaders begin with the hubristic sense that they are uniquely gifted and insightful and, thus, qualified to meddle in the lives of others for the benefit of those poor inferiors. It’s motivated by both love and contempt. From there it is small steps to subordination and domination. You don’t have to be a narcissistic wolf to be an abuser.
Interesting. I am seeking to keep my definition built upon the 20 passages I identified in Part 2. Where biblically would you see your definition; where would you develop it from? I’m not disagreeing. I am trying to see how your concept fits the biblical concept of spiritual abuse. It is interesting that your response wants to expand the definition, while Chris’ response wants to delimit the definition.