The Sin of Untethered Truth: Truth Without Loving Empathy Is Sin

What Is the “Culprit” in Our Modern Biblical Counseling World? 

In Part 1 of this brief two-part blog mini-series, I asked and answered the question:

Is “Empathy” the “Culprit” in Our Biblical Counseling World?

If you’ve followed my ministry, then you will not be surprised that my answer was a clearcut, “No. Empathy is not a culprit in our biblical counseling world.”

For four decades I’ve taught about speaking the truth in love, about biblical relational competencies, about suffering with others, and about Christlike sustaining empathy, culminating in my biblical counseling training manual:

Gospel Conversations: How to Care Like Christ.

I also crafted this free 42-page PDF:

Empathy Is Biblical.

Loving empathy is not the problem.

Emphasizing What the Bible Emphasizes

In our evangelical Christian world and in our biblical counseling world, we continue to see writings that warn against “untethered empathy” and the “sin of empathy.” I disagree with the emphasis of these writings for several reasons, especially because: 

• They reverse the Bible’s emphasis on speaking the truth in loving empathy.

• They reverse the Bible’s emphasis on rebuking the error of untethering truth from loving empathy.

The Bible consistently rebukes truth untethered from love, from suffering with, from mourning with, from compassion, from empathy, from sympathy, from gentleness, from understanding, from comfort, from groaning with, from humility, from grace, and from a host of additional relational competencies.

Or, said positively:

The Bible consistently commands that we always tether truth to love, compassion, comfort, tender care, and empathy—like Jesus.

Let’s put our emphasis where the Bible does—on rebuking the error of untethering truth from love.

The Bible Rebukes Untethered Truth: A Brief Bullet Point Biblical Journey 

Let’s take a bullet point look at how the Bible blends truth and love with an emphasis on commanding Christians to tether truth to love, compassion, and empathy for one another.

Jesus and Tethering Truth and Love

1. Jesus reserves His strongest rebuke for non-caring, unempathetic shepherds who talk a good talk about truth, but “tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them” (Matthew 23:4).

2. Jesus rebukes pastors-shepherds-leaders who neglect “the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy, and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel” (Matthew 23:23-24, emphasis added).

3. In the context of cross-cultural relationships that model how Kingdom citizens relate to people from different cultures, Jesus commands and commends pity, compassion, mercy, and cross-cultural active empathy (Luke 10:25-37).

4. Jesus teaches the biblical truth that love is the greatest commandment. “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it. ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and Prophets hand on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:37-40).

The Trinity and Tethering Truth and Love 

The Trinity embodies Shepherding Care that is compassionate, comforting, sympathetic, and empathetic:

5. God the Father is “the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). Our Father never untethers truth from compassion and comfort.

6. God the Father “knows how we are formed” and “remembers that we are dust,” and has compassion on us “as a father has compassion on his children” (Psalm 103:13-14). 

7. God the Father is our Father of holy love—infinitely, eternally one in truth and love. “And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation” (Exodus 34:6).

8. God the Son is our Sympathetic High Priest who is able “to empathize with our weaknesses” and from whom “we receive mercy and grace to help us in our time of need” (Hebrews 4:15-16). Our Savior never untethers truth from empathy, mercy, help, and grace.

9. God the Son embodies the perfect tethered infinite blending of truth and love—“full of grace and truth” (John 1:14).

10. God the Son models the biblical truth that sacrificial, other-centered, serving love is the greatest commandment. “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35).

11. God the Son embodies the mindset of tenderness, compassion, being likeminded, having the same love, being one in spirit, being of one mind, valuing others above ourselves, and looking to the interests of others. “Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion,then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:1-5).

12. God the Spirit is our groaning Encourager Who groans with us in our suffering (Romans 8:17-27).

13. God the Spirit is our Paraclete (Paraklētos) Who never leaves us as orphans but comes along side of us and inside of us to help us in our time of need (John 14-16). The Spirit never untethers truth from infinite parakaletic empathetic encouragement. 

Paul and Tethering Truth and Love

14. Paul, in the context of pastoral shepherding, warns that we must tether truth to love: “but speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). We must tether truth to agape love—Jesus-like sacrificial, giving, caring, compassionate, empathetic love.

15. Paul, in the context of pastoral ministry, insists that we must not give God’s people only Scripture, but also our own souls. “But we were gentle among you, just like a nursing mother caring for her own children, so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well because you were dear to us” (1 Thessalonians 2:7-8).

16. In the context of teaching about how to relate to one another in the church, Paul warns against untethered truth. “Knowledge puffs up while love builds up” (1 Corinthians 8:1).

17. In the context of how to exercise mutual ministry in the church, and in the context of teaching truth with the eloquence of angels, Paul warns against untethered truth. “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging symbol” (1 Corinthians 13:1).

18. In the context of applying gospel truth (Romans 1-11) to daily life (Romans 12-16), Paul highlights empathy as a core Christian calling: “mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15).

19. In the context of the spiritual maturity of the body of Christ, Christians are commanded and encouraged to empathize with one another. “But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it so that there should be no division in the body, but that it parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it” (1 Corinthians 12:24-26).

20. In light of the Father’s compassion and comfort, Paul commands us to comfort one another because we share in the same suffering and we share in the same comfort. “…who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:4-7).

21. In the context of biblical truth about what equips us for competent biblical counseling and one-another ministry, Paul combines character (“full of goodness”—loving care and concern for others) and truth (“complete in knowledge”). “I myself am convinced, my brothers and sisters, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with knowledge and competent to instruct one another” (Romans 15:14).

22. In the context of speaking hard truths to the struggling saints at Corinth, Paul emphasizes his affectionate care for them. “We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also” (2 Corinthians 6:11-13).

23. Directly in the context of exposing the fruitless deeds of darkness (truth-telling, confronting) (Ephesians 5:11), Paul commands that we never speak truth in foolish, harsh, harmful, mocking ways. “Nor should there be filthiness (Oαἰσχρότης: shameful/shaming, indecency), foolish talk (μωρολογία: insipid, not suitable to edify, buffoonery), or coarse joking (εὐτραπελία: using startling metaphors to shrewdly intimidate, jesting, making fun of, offensively rude, trifling witticism, mocking, discourse unseasoned with the salt of grace), which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving” (Ephesians 5:4).

24. In the context of speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:11-16), and in the context of teaching sanctification truth (Ephesians 4:17-32), Paul commands us to speak edifying words. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).

25. In the context of teaching salvation truth to unbelievers, Paul commands us to speak grace words. “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Colossians 4:6).

26. In the context of speaking truth to sinning brothers and sisters, Paul commands us to restore gently and humbly. “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted” (Galatians 6:1).

In the context of pastoral training through the Pastoral Epistles—the seminary of the day:

27. Paul insists that the goal of truth-telling is love. Love is the telos, our purpose in shepherding. “The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith” (1 Timothy 1:5).

28. Paul describes the inner loving character of God’s shepherds: not violent, but gentle, not quarrelsome, but taking care tenderly of God’s flock (1 Timothy 3:1-7).

29. Paul commands pastoral leaders not to have “anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments” but to be “the Lord’s servant” who “must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone.” Opponents “must be gently instructed” (2 Timothy 2:23-25).

Peter and Tethering Truth and Love 

30. Peter directly aligns obeying the truth with sincere love for one another. ““Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart” (1 Peter 1:22).

31. Peter commands husbands to empathetically know and love their wives. “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers” (1 Peter 3:7).

32. In the context of speaking gospel truth to unbelievers, Peter commands that we do so with gentleness and respect. “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” (1 Peter 3:15).

33. In the context of teaching on sanctification and spiritual gifts, Peter emphasizes (“above all”) love. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).

34. Peter’s primary command to elders-shepherds-bishops-pastors is to humbly care for and watch over God’s flock. “Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock” (1 Peter 5:3-4).

35. Peter tethers together truth and mutual affection in his teaching on progressive sanctification. “For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 1:5-8).

36. Peter tethers together grace and knowledge. “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen” (2 Peter 3:18).

Let’s Put Our Emphasis Where the Bible Does 

Yes, of course, truth is essential, vital, foundational.

Yes, of course, love is essential, vital, foundational.

Yes, of course, truth and love/care/compassion/empathy must be tethered together.

Within the contexts of church shepherding leadership and the context of daily Christian relationships, the Bible emphasizes warnings against the danger of untethering truth from love, compassion, comfort, care, concern, and empathy.

Again, our main point:

Let’s put our emphasis where the Bible does—rebuking the error of untethering truth from loving empathy.

A Biblical Counseling Supervisor’s Personal Testimony 

I have trained, equipped, discipled, mentored, and supervised well over 1,000 biblical counselors. Among these, I have had the privilege of providing mentoring and supervision for scores of ACBC certified counselors. After their certification they chose to be supervised by me for additional, ongoing training. Each of these ACBC certified biblical counselors were well-equipped in speaking truth and in confronting sin.

However, 100% of these ACBC certified biblical counselors were, by their own admission, in need of further equipping in the biblical counseling relational competency of providing empathetic connection with hurting, suffering Christians.[i] When we train people primarily by lecture—teaching truth—we end up training truth-tellers and not soul-connecters.[ii] When we train people primarily by talking at them, we end up training talkers and not empathetic listeners.[iii]

Which “Culprit” Should We Be Most Concerned About?

What “culprit” in our modern biblical counseling world should we be emphasizing? According to the Bible, we should be emphasizing the culprit of untethered truth—the sin of truth without love.

What competency should we be emphasizing in our biblical counseling equipping? Well, certainly we should highlight truth-telling. However, we are doing that very well.

Let’s emphasize what the Bible emphasizes—truth tethered to love. Let’s emphasize what our trainees are least equipped to offer: truth tethered to love. Let’s model the life wisdom of Proverbs: “Let love and truth never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.” Let’s highlight and emphasize training in the biblical relational competency of Christlike sustaining empathy.

Notes

[i]See Consider Your Counseling: Addressing Ten Mistakes in Our Biblical Counseling for more specifics on our need as biblical counselors to grow in our competence in relating to the emotions and hurts of our counselees.

[ii] See We Elevate Data Collection Above Soul Connection. And see We Fail to Follow the Trinity’s Model of Comforting Care. And see We Devalue Emotions Rather Than Seeing Emotions as God’s Idea.

[iii] See We Share God’s Eternal Story Before We Listen to Our Friend’s Earthly Story. And see We Talk at Counselees Rather Than Exploring Scripture with Counselees.