My most recent and most personal post addressed the relational side of the current biblical counseling conflicts. In that post, I shared about several past friends who now have issues with me and my biblical counseling. I mentioned that in most cases, they have not talked to me, but instead have talked about me to others.
In desiring to follow the Scriptures, I have begun reaching out to each of those individuals.
I shared the following general wording with each person.
Reconciliation Contact
Name,
It has been a while since we connected.
Someone we both trust, reached out to me to share that they heard you speaking negatively about me and my biblical counseling approach.
This surprised me, given our long history of spiritual friendship, mutual respect, mutual ministry, and mutual one-another care.
So, first, perhaps the person was wrong or misunderstood, and a clarification is all that is needed. Were they wrong in thinking you were publicly and/or privately speaking against me and my biblical counseling? If so, I will gladly notify them and correct their misperception.
If they were correct, and if you have spoken publicly or privately against me and my biblical counseling approach, I would be happy to talk to you about any concerns you have. Again, this would all surprise (and saddened) me, as I had no indication that you had any concerns about me or my biblical counseling. The last I knew, our friendship and mutual ministry respect was happy and holy and whole.
If you would like to talk, I’d be happy to schedule a call or a Zoom meeting with you. I want to “make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:3). “As much as is possible, as far as it depends on me, I want to live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). If there are ways you want to speak into my life and ministry, I would be happy to apply Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
In Christ’s Grace,
Bob
Responses
So far, I have had three responses.
Sadly, the first was not positive. The very brief response concluded with this terse sentence.
“We don’t have interest in engaging further.”
I surmise that is why Romans 12:18 says, “if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Sadly, not everyone has an interest in engagements leading toward peace—including not every biblical counseling leader.
On a positive note, two other responses were quite encouraging.
One response resulted in an over hour-long call where there was mutual listening, mutual empathy, mutual understanding, and reconciliation, along with a mutual decision to have a follow-up call focused on each of our views of biblical counseling and the body/research/neuroscience.
The other response resulted in an email reply that expressed support for me and my ministry and did not understand where the report of negatives about me would have originated.
This is so sad. And the opposite of what biblical counseling teaches.
Recently I had something similar, though no way near as significant, occur where there is not peace between myself and another and they would not engage in communicating at all. It is a serious malfunction that we in the body are not doing all we can to be at peace, share one another’s burdens, and sharpen one another! Thank you for writing this and for providing such a nice template for reconciliation.
What a winsome appeal and yet do not be despondent that it may initially fall on deaf ears. Even the gentlest confrontation may put someone’s hackles up. Yet you may just by the grace of God have put a stone in their shoe and it will in time bare fruit.
I’m sorry Bob. Your approach in my understanding has been filled with grace, truth and understanding.
He is honored and glorified through you, your ministry of healing grace.
I know because I’m a beneficiary-thank you.
Thank you for your good and faithful ministry. You have been a great blessing to many! This situation lends itself to yet another way the enemy is at work. We are likely in the end times and Satan is seeking to use whatever means he can to destroy relationships and tarnish the witness of Christ Jesus. Hang tough brother, and stay biblical as you are doing!