The Big Idea 

Here’s today’s blog post in one sentence:

“Suffer well” is an extra-biblical term used at times in un-biblical ways that shame people for normal, God-given emotions, and that guilts people into staying in ungodly situations.

An Iron-Sharpening-Iron Conversation about “Biblical Sufferology” and “Suffer Well”

My friend, and biblical counseling colleague, Kevin Carson, recently published a blog called,

Waiting Well in Long-Term Struggle.

In his post, Kevin addresses the concern that some of us have about the phrase “suffer well.” I thought I would advance that conversation by interacting with Kevin. Here’s goes…

My Interaction with Kevin 

Thanks for the article, Kevin. My eyes were especially draw to your concluding admonition to biblical counselors where you say:

“Some people recoil at the phrase “suffer well,” believing it sounds dismissive or insensitive to real pain. Certainly, we must use this encouragement wisely, carefully, and compassionately. Yet we cannot ignore that James calls believers to exactly this – to suffer well. Not stoically, not independently, and not with a fake smile, but with patient endurance anchored in the compassion and mercy of the Lord and motivated by the return of Christ. To withhold this encouragement would be to overlook a clear biblical admonition. Suffering well is not the totality of our counsel, but it is certainly part of it.”

And on X, when you introduce your post, you lead with these cautions about how we view “suffer well.” You say,

“Suffering well is not the totality of our counsel, but it is certainly part of it. James encourages us as we respond to suffering to choose a kind of steadfastness that honors God, strengthens the heart, and keeps us looking for the return of Christ.”

Kevin, as you know, I am among those who nouthetically confront how some in the biblical counseling world use/misuse the phrase “suffer well.”

Why?

Concern #1: Caution About Extra-Biblical Terms 

First, the exact phrase “suffer well” is never used in the Bible—unless I missed it somewhere. So we should be careful not to imbue non-biblical terms with biblical authority. We also should be careful not to assume that James’s counsel to wait on the Lord is identical to the modern counsel to “suffer well.”

Concern #2: Minimizing Significant Biblical Teaching about Suffering

Second, it’s not the term itself that some of us take issue with. Instead, it is what some in the biblical counseling world miss when they use the term—they miss the Bible’s consistent teaching about lament, grief, hurt, groaning, pain, sadness, emotional turmoil, mental confusion, etc. And they miss the Bible’s call/command that we empathize with, weep with, mourn with, have compassion for, listen to, wait with, and provide comfort to the sufferer.

In summary, here is what some of us “recoil” against:

Someone using the term “suffer well” in a one-dimensional, sub-biblical teaching that ignores or minimizes the biblical legitimacy of the sufferer expressing lament, and of the helper weeping with the sufferer.

Concern #3: We Fail to Wait, While We Insist That Our Counselee Waits

Third, as biblical counselors, we often fail to wait. My concern is that far too often we race people to patient waiting before we compassionately wait with them in their pain. Ironic, isn’t it, that as we admonish people to wait on the Lord, we fail to wait with them in their agony.

As you know, I teach a church history approach to care for the suffering, where parakaletic care has two vital components—sustaining empathy and healing hope/encouragement.  If we’re at all honest, our movement has not always been to good with sustaining empathy—“climbing in the casket,” weeping with those who weep, mourning with those who mourn. Rather than waiting as we listen to the sufferer’s earthly story, we are perceived to race people to God’s eternal story—before we’ve really experienced their earthly story of hurt.

As I said in a recent X tweet,

“In #BiblicalCounseling and #SoulCare we listen compassionately to our friend’s earthly story of suffering and hurt, while we listen together wisely to God’s eternal story of healing and hope.”

Using your language, Kevin, I would say that to withhold empathy, to withhold climbing in the casket, and to withhold weeping with those who weep, is to overlook a clear biblical admonition. And, to withhold encouraging people to grieve, to lament, and to groan, is to overlook multiple clear biblical admonitions.

Sadly, many who use “suffer well” are guilty of overlooking biblical admonitions to care like Christ—our sympathetic High Priest.

Concern #4: Waiting on God and “Suffering Well” Are Not Identical Concepts

Fourth, I don’t believe that James’s counsel to wait is at all identical to the oft repeated modern counsel of “suffer well.” James’s acknowledgment of Job surely includes acknowledging multiple chapters of Job’s laments, complaints, grief, expressions of deep emotional turmoil, and of mental confusion.

Job’s perseverance does not provide an example of emotionless waiting. Instead, Job’s perseverance provides a biblical example of waiting that wails, waiting that groans, waiting that laments, waiting that is deeply and richly emotional, and waiting that is brutally honest about mental confusion. So, when people use, “suffering well,” if they include, and even emphasize, Job’s laments, complaints, grief, expressions of emotional turmoil, and mental confusion, then I am all for that type of “suffering well.”

However, often “suffer well” looks more like, and comes across more like Job 16:1-5, and Job’s “miserable comforters.”

Then Job replied: “I have heard many things like these; you are miserable comforters, all of you! Will your long-winded speeches never end? What ails you that you keep on arguing? I also could speak like you, if you were in my place; I could make fine speeches against you and shake my head at you. But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief.”

Sadly, we are often great at making long-winded speeches, but horrible at listening long to a sufferer speak.

Concern #5: The Danger of Withholding Empathy and Minimizing Lament 

Fifth, your post talks about the danger of withholding encouragement. I know of zero biblical counselors who withhold the biblical encouragement of heavenly hope which empowers us to wait on the Lord while we lament to the Lord.

So, it should never be either/or. It should always be both/and: both lamenting/empathy and waiting/encouraging. If we clearly emphasize both of those when we say, “suffer well,” then I’m fine with that modern lingo.

Thanks again, Kevin, for extending this conversation about the importance of a comprehensive, compassionate “biblical sufferology.”

Resources for Biblical Sufferology 

For those who have an interest in seeing my theological concern about “suffering well” language, they could check out:

A Tale of Two Trusts: What Does It Mean to “Suffering Well”?

This post is part two of a two-part post on “biblical sufferology.” People might also benefit from part one:

A Tale of Two Passages.

For links to seven additional relevant resources, see:

A Compassionate Biblical Approach to Suffering: “Biblical Sufferology.”

For three posts about Job’s miserable counselors, see:

When Your Counselor Makes Your Life Worse!: This post collates over four dozen examples of poor counseling from Job’s miserable counselors.

How Not to Empathize: Job’s Miserable Counselors: Here I outline more unbiblical counsel from Job’s miserable counselors.

3 Major Problems with Elihu’s Counseling of Job: Since God condemns Job’s three miserable counselors, everyone agrees that they are not a model to follow. However, people debate whether Job’s fourth counselor—Elihu—was a good or poor counselor. As my title suggests, I believe Elihu is also a miserable counselor.

A Very Personal Post 

For those who have an interest in a much more personal reflection on the dangers of “suffering well” language, they could check out:

Shepherds Please Think, “Protect Well.” Please Stop Saying, “Suffer Well.”

A Long History of Posts and a Recent Post: Woundedness + Weakness = Worship

For over three decades I have spoken into the biblical counseling movement’s tendency to minimize suffering. For example, fifteen years ago I posted a four-part series on:

Why Some Biblical Counseling Is Only Half-Biblical.

Then, just two weeks ago, I posted on:

Woundedness + Weakness = Worship.

In that post, once again I addressed my concerns about “suffer well” language. Here’s part of what I had to say…

“Suffer Well”?

Biblically, “suffer well” is NOT limited to healing hope, though it includes that. Biblically, “healing hope” does not eradicate present hurt.

To suffer well means to candidly face our pain, feel our wounds, and admit that we have indeed been victimized in this fallen, evil, sinful world.

Suffering well is to lament, groan, grieve, feel, and hurt. It is never to ignore pain or to deny reality.

Suffering well never denies the reality of sinful victimization. It never turns a blind eye to the wounds caused by evil and sin.

Historically, suffering well united hurt and hope. Throughout the history of Christian soul care, soul physicians simultaneously provided sustaining comfort that communicated “it’s normal to hurt,” and healing encouragement that communicated “it’s possible to hope.”

Reject the False Gospel of Emotional Health and Wealth 

The false gospel of emotional health and wealth creeps into Evangelical Christianity and into the modern biblical counseling movement. In suffering, this false gospel teaches several lies:

• The False Gospel Lie: If we are “really spiritual,” then in suffering we won’t think about our wounds and will barely feel our hurts. Our painful emotions will melt away in a maze of other-worldly make-believe. The Gospel Truth: This false gospel of emotional health and wealth claims eternal promises as if they are present-day promises. Revelation 21:4 is God’s promise for heaven, not His promise for today: “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

• The False Gospel Lie: If we are “really Christlike,” then in suffering we will quickly move from hurting to healing hope. Healing hope crushes all of our hurts. Future victory vanquishes all current pain. The Gospel Truth: Victory and victimization co-exists until heaven. Worship and woundedness co-exist until heaven.

• The False Gospel Lie: Christians don’t use words like “trauma,” or “victim,” or “wounds” because we are more than conquerors. The Gospel Truth: In Romans 8, where Paul uses “more than conquerors,” he also talks about life-long groaning until heaven. We groan until glory (Romans 8:26-27).

If I were preaching on suffering from James 5, I would want to help people to wail to the Lord as they wait on the Lord.

If, I were counseling a sufferer using James 5, I would want to encourage them to cry out in weakness to Christ as they persevere in Christ.

If I were walking through life with a sufferer and we explored James 5 together, I would want to enter into and listen compassionately to my friend’s earthly story of suffering, while we listen together wisely to God’s eternal story of hope.

In Summary: More Biblical Than “Suffer Well”

So, what is more biblical than how “suffer well” is used today? Perhaps we could summarize it like this:

“Suffer candidly and clingingly.”

“Suffer in weakness and woundedness crying out to Christ for comfort and compassion.”

“Suffer honestly, candidly lamenting to God. Suffer clingingly, richly hoping in Christ.”

And what is a biblical counselor’s approach to the sufferer?

“Empathize compassionately with our counselee’s earthly story of suffering and hurt, while listening together dependently to God’s eternal story of compassion, comfort, healing, and hope.”