How People Change

How would you answer the following questions?

• How do we grow in grace?

• How do we become more like Christ?

• How do we overcome sin?

• How do we deal with suffering?

• How do people change?

These are each vital questions about Christian living. To answer these questions biblically, we must understand the relationship between our complete salvation and our ongoing sanctification.

Many writers today describe this relationship as Gospel indicatives and Gospel imperatives. Gospel indicatives relate to who we are in and to Christ through our salvation. Gospel imperatives relate to how we live out our newness in Christ.

Both/And

Few Christian writers who think seriously about Christian living make this issue an either/or debate. Those who focus on Gospel indicatives rarely say, “Christian living is only about understanding the depths of our salvation in Christ. It does not include obeying the Gospel imperatives.” Few, if any, are saying, “It’s all about trust, not about trust and obey.”

Those who focus on Gospel imperatives rarely say, “Christian living is only about obeying the commands and living out the principles in the Bible. It does not include believing the good news of justification, regeneration, reconciliation, and redemption.” Few, if any, are saying, ‘It’s all about obey, not about trust and obey.”

Most people writing on this issue are simply emphasizing either Gospel indicatives (faith in our complete salvation) or Gospel imperatives (living out our complete salvation). For most, it is a both/and discussion.

The Question

If it’s not either/or, but both/and, then what’s the issue? Here’s the practical question:

“What is the relationship between our salvation in Christ (the Gospel indicative) and our sanctification in Christ (the Gospel imperative)?”

In this blog “mini-series” on How People Change, I’ll attempt to address that question in several practical ways. Today I explore it as it relates to marriage.

Marriage in Ephesians

If your own marriage were struggling and you opened your Bible to Ephesians, to what passage would you likely turn? If you were helping someone with a struggling marriage and you opened your Bible to Ephesians, to what passage would you likely turn? Yep: Ephesians 5:21-33.

I suggest that Ephesians 5:21-33 should not be the first part of Ephesians that we turn to for marriage counsel. I suggest that Ephesians 5:21-33 should not be the only part of Ephesians that we turn to. Paul certainly did not start there or stop there.

Instead, Paul grounded, founded, and surrounded his thinking about Christian living in the home on Gospel indicatives. Consider:

1. Glorifying God: Ephesians 1:1-23

2. Guilty Before God: Ephesians 2:1-3

3. Grace from God: Ephesians 2:4-5:17

4. Growth through God’s Spirit: Ephesians 5:18-6:20

Glorifying God: Ephesians 1:1-23

Paul starts with a three-stanza hymn of praise to the Trinity—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—and their Triune role in our salvation. Paul the marital counselor would not have ignored Gospel imperatives and principles of husband/wife roles and relationships. However, he wouldn’t have started there. He didn’t start there.

Before we work on our marriage relationships, we must focus on our relationship with God in Christ. Problems in our homes are always ultimately due to problems in our hearts (see James 4:1-4).

Additionally, when we are working on our marriages, our ultimate goal must not simply be a “better” marriage. Rather our ultimate goal must be a marriage that better glorifies Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Paul shifts us from a self-centered marital goal: “Marriage is about meeting my needs!” He shifts us to the God-centered marital goal: “The purpose of our marriage is to reveal God’s glory as we represent the Trinity, reflect Christ and the Church, and encourage the maturity of our spouse.”

Guilty Before God: Ephesians 2:1-3

Paul next takes us to our guilt before God. He moves us to our sinfulness, our helplessness, and our absolute need for Christ.

We might think, “Paul is one strange marriage counselor!” We would be wrong.

Without the foundation of our guilt before God and our need for desperate dependence upon Christ, we would build our marriages on self-sufficient means: “Working on my marriage is a self-improvement project.” Instead, we must build our marriages on Christ-centered, Gospel-centered understandings: “Growing in my marriage is a Christ-dependent process.”

We have mis-defined the problem with our marriages, and, therefore, we have mis-defined the “solution” to our marriage problem. James asks, “Why do we fight and quarrel?” His answer: because of spiritual adultery (James 4:4). When we understand that problems in our homes begin with problems in our hearts, then we realize that problems in our hearts require Spirit-dependence, not self-dependence.

Paul the marriage counselor helps us to understand our guilt before God. He helps us to see the fork in the road. We either journey down the route of resting in God’s provision and presence, or we travel down the route of taking life into our own hands and relying on our own power and wisdom.

Grace from God: Ephesians 2:4-5:17

Paul now takes us to the two greatest words in the English language: “But God.” The “SOUL-u-tion” for our marriages is grace from God in Christ.

Note that I take this section of Ephesians from 2:4 through 5:17. Grace cuts across the “Gospel indicative” section of Ephesians and through the “Gospel imperative” section of Ephesians (actually, we find indicatives and imperatives in all six chapters of Ephesians). Grace-dependent/faith-dependent living is essential for our salvation and our sanctification, as Paul reminded the Galatians. “Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?” (Galatians 3:3).

For example, when Paul talks about “communication and relationship principles” in Ephesians 4:25-32, he does so in the context of Ephesians 3:15-21 and grasping the love of God. He does so in the context of Ephesians 4:1-16 and growing together in the Body of Christ. He does so in the context Ephesians 4:17-24 and our new creation in Christ.

Paul is a wise marriage counselor. He understands what happens if we offer “communication principles” without the foundation of glorifying God, guilt before God, and grace from God. We create a more effective, self-sufficient, manipulative spouse!

Growth through God’s Spirit: Ephesians 5:18-6:20

Even Paul’s “section” on “roles and relationships” in marriage is surrounded or “sandwiched” by the theme of growth through God’s Spirit. Just before Paul talks about our marriage relationships, he highlights our dependent relationship with God’s Spirit. “Be filled with the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18b). Just after Paul concludes his teaching on Christian living in the home (Ephesians 5:21-6:9), he emphasizes Spirit-dependence. “Be strong in the Lord and in His might power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes” (Ephesians 6:10-11).

Paul the marriage and family counselor sandwiches his marriage and parenting principles between being filled with the Spirit and being strong in the Lord. Applying biblical principles of Christian living is not about “trying harder” or more self-effort. We apply our new life in Christ by grace through faith.

Both/And Once Again

But notice something vital. Paul does talk about principles of Christian living. He does provide communication and relationship principles. He does teach about husband/wife roles and relationships. He does not ignore Gospel imperatives.

Most of this blog post has focused on the Gospel indicatives because we must ground, found, and surround Gospel imperatives in Gospel indicatives. I am 100% committed to this biblical way of thinking, living, and counseling.

However, I do have a concern with any teaching that might seem to imply that we stop with the Gospel indicatives. Paul does not. Any truly Christian thinking and counseling about marriage must include, as Paul does, biblical principles—Gospel imperatives. Any truly Christian thinking and counseling about Christian living must include, as Paul does, biblical principles—Gospel imperatives.

Christian living in marriage, as with all Christian relationships, is both/and. Biblical marriage counseling, as with all biblical counseling, is both/and. We explore with people what it means to apply God’s Word to our relationships in the context of Gospel indicatives and Gospel imperatives.

Join the Conversation

How do you answer the question: “What is the relationship between our salvation in Christ (Gospel indicatives) and our sanctification in Christ (Gospel imperatives)?”