Emotional Empathy
What causes the fights and quarrels among us? A great deal of relational conflict results from an underdeveloped ability to tune into others.
Clueless
How well do you understand other people’s perspective? Do you ever find yourself thinking, “What was that person thinking and feeling!?”
How well do others understand your perspective? Do you ever find yourself thinking, “That person is only focused on his feelings and perspective. He is clueless about how I’m feeling and my perspective on this?”
Emotions and Others
We often think of emotions as focused only on how I feel. However, emotions are also about our ability to sense how others feel. It’s called “emotional empathy.”
Even that term can be misunderstood, or understood in a one-dimensional way. We may think of it only as our ability to feel another person’s pain. It’s that, but more. We can describe at least five aspects of mature emotional empathy:
• I’m attuned to others, not emotionally tone-deaf. I have the ability to sense another’s mood.
• I have empathy built on self-awareness. I’m open to my own emotions and, therefore, skilled in reading the feelings of others.
• I practice the creative ability of perceiving the subjective experiences of others.
• I make another person’s pain my own.
• I can take on the perspective of another person.
Are You Fluent in the Language of Emotion?
Emotional empathy builds on self-awareness. When I don’t have to strain to hear my own emotional voice, then I find myself hearing others with crystal clarity.
That’s empathy: fluency in others’ emotional language. The more open I am to my own emotions, the more skilled I will be in reading the feelings of others.
How attuned are you to others? Are you emotionally tone-deaf, or do you have the ability to sense another’s mood? Do you practice the artful, creative ability to perceive the experience of another person? Can you make another person’s pain your own? Are you skilled at perspective-taking? Can you step back and look at a situation from the other’s person’s perspective?
EQ and IQ
Our emotional quotient, or EQ, is just as important as our IQ. At times in Christian circles, we act as if emotions are the black sheep of the image bearing family. But the God who created us with intellect, also created us with emotions.
Ironically, some of the very people who tend to downplay the value of emotions, seem to struggle with the emotional empathy that this blog has focused on. When we focus exclusively on our rationality, we end up focusing exclusively on ourselves. We see life and situations and conflicts only from our own mental perspective. We fail to see life, situations, and conflicts from the emotional and mental perspective of the other person—because we are emotionally tone-deaf.
Rather than hindering our rational ability to understand people, build relationships, and resolve conflict, emotional empathy is a vital God-given tool for working well with others and for loving others with Christ’s love.
The Rest of the Story
For a free 35-page PDF visit: Learning the Biblical ABCs of Emotional Intelligence.
For a comprehensive biblical theology of our emotions, see Soul Physicians.
Join the Conversation
How’s your EQ? Assess yourself using the five bullet points below. Perhaps seek feedback from a good friend.
• I’m attuned to others, not emotionally tone-deaf. I have the ability to sense another’s mood.
• I have empathy built on self-awareness. I’m open to my own emotions and, therefore, skilled in reading the feelings of others.
• I practice the creative ability of perceiving the subjective experiences of others.
• I make another person’s pain my own.
• I can take on the perspective of another person.
