How to Find Hope When You’re Hurting
Post 6: No Grieving; No Healing. Know Grieving; Know Healing
So… does God really allow and even invite His children to be brutally honest about life? Can we support candor biblically?
A Man After God’s Own Heart
David practices candor in Psalm 42:3-5. “My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’ These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?”
Notice how David is honest about his external suffering—he describes his losses—the loss of fellowship, leadership, and worship. He also is candid about his internal suffering—he depicts his crosses—accurately labeling his soul as downcast and disturbed within him.
If we had time, we could examine how biblical character after Biblical character practiced candor—Job, Jeremiah, Solomon, Asaph, Heman (Psalm 88), Jesus, Paul, and so many more.
No Grieving; No Healing. Know Grieving; Know Healing
The Apostle Paul does not tell us not to grieve; he tells us not to grieve without hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13). He chooses a Greek word meaning to feel sorrow, distress, and grief, and to experience pain, heaviness, and inner affliction.
Paul is teaching that grief is the grace of recovery because mourning slows us down to face life. No grieving; no healing. Know grieving; know healing.
The only person who can truly dare to grieve, bear to grieve, is the person with a future hope that things will eventually be better. When we trust God’s good heart, then we trust Him no matter what. We need not pretend. We can face and embrace the mysteries of life.
Step on the Mats
Candor or denial. The choice is a turning point. It is a line drawn in the sand of life, a hurdle to confront. Faith crosses the line. Trust leaps the hurdle. We face reality and embrace truth, sad as it is. If facing suffering is wrestling face-to-face with God, then candor is our decision to step on the mat.
So Give Me Some Examples!
Just what do I mean by candor? What are some personal examples? Join us against tomorrow for real life, raw examples of biblical candor.
Dr. Kellerman,
I am looking for Sunday School curriculum on handling grief. Do you have any suggestions? You blog post was the perfect sort of material that I am looking for.
Terry, If you can wait nine months, then I have a recommendation for you! This blog series is the first draft of what will become a BMH Books group and personal study: God’s Healing for Life’s Losses.
Until then, here are a few ideas:
Unfortunately, there’s not a lot out there that’s solid from a Christian perspective on grieving.
Walter Wangerin’s “Mourning Into Dancing” is excellent–tells about grieving in a narrative style. But it is a little dated and no study guide.
Grief Share has a video series and curriculum–I did parts of it. Many churches use their material, but it is not a “book” per se.
C. S. Lewis’ A Grief Observed is a classic, but somewhat philosopical.
Getting to the Other Side of Grief by Susan Zonnebelt-Smeenge is very solid, but focuses specifically on the loss of a spouse.
Hope these leads are helpful.
Bob
Dr. Kellemen,
Thanks for the tips. I am not really opposed to doing workbooks or videos, I am more interested in curriculum. I will be looking more at the video and the perhaps waiting those 9 months for you to birth your book. 🙂