I’ve thought lately about some of the differences, discussions, and debates in our biblical counseling world.
At times, we in the modern biblical counseling movement “separate” over truth or love, Word or relationships, Scripture or soul, the Word of God or the people of God. Of course, the Bible integrates all these concepts.
We also “separate” at times over a focus on sin or a focus on suffering. Again, the Bible has room for both.
At other times we “separate” in our movement over focusing on people as sinners or as saints. I guess that’s why I love the “saint-sinner-sufferer” concept. Or, as I like to say it:
We are saints who battle against sin and face suffering on our sanctification journey.
Feelers or Thinkers or Both?
I also sense that we separate in our biblical counseling world over folks who are hard-wired as thinkers-doers, versus those who are hard-wired as feelers. The modern biblical counseling movement was started by “Type-A,” hard-driven, doers, thinkers.
But is there room for feelers in our biblical counseling world? I hope so. I’m one.
Yes, I’m also a “thinker.” My first book was a nearly-600 page academic theology of biblical counseling. And I have written a several-hundred-page pastoral theology of biblical counseling. So, I can “do deep rational thinking.”
But I am so wired—fearfully and wonderfully made—to feel deeply.
Is there room in our modern biblical counseling world for the “deep-feeler”? For the highly-sensitive person? For the empathetic person? For the “empath”? For the “spongy soul who absorbs the feelings” of others?
Is there room in our modern biblical counseling world for the person who so suffers with those who suffer that they experience cumulative trauma? For the biblical counselor who is soaked with sadness? Room for the person who “wears their compassion on their sleeves”?
I can weep with a hurting counselee at the drop of a hat. Sometimes, I make my fellow deep-thinking, hard-driving, Type-A biblical counseling friends uncomfortable with all my “touchy-feely,” relational, emotional focus.
And, frankly, at times I feel embarrassment over my very emotive nature. “I wish I could be like that person who seems to plow through life without ever being thrown off kilter by feelings…” And I wonder sometimes if I “fit in.”
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made Feelings
I even wonder about hitting “publish” with today’s blog. I mean, I’m emoting. I’m expressing my feelings about feelings in the biblical counseling world.
I don’t have “an axe to grind.” I’m just recognizing and expressing that we don’t all have to be wired the same way.
It’s okay if some of us are deep feelers. After all, when God declared that He fearfully and wonderfully made us, the one aspect He highlighted in Psalm 119:13-14 was our emotions.
“For you created my inmost being (kidney, reins—emotions, feelings, moods); you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
Join the Conversation
What do you think? Is there room in the modern biblical counseling world for thinkers and feelers, for doers and emoters, for Type-A people and Type-E people (emotional folks)?
I applaud this honest exploration of a hot topic. Too often, we find ourselves caught in one “camp” of separatism or the other, albeit unconsciously. Whether this is due to our own hard wiring, or by determinism to stay a course once chosen, there is no doubt that bringing this messy discussion to the table has been overdue. I would even go so far as to call it much-needed, remembering the words of one of my most-respected Biblical counselors, “The best counselors are first counselees.” In order to serve wholeheartedly with the love of Christ, we must compassionately embrace the Word in truth, with love, allowing the Lord to tailor His ministry to those we come alongside by being both “thinkers” and “feelers.” Thanks, Bob.
Thank you for this Bob. You have beautifully articulated something that has been on my mind for a long time. I’m someone who is wired as a thinker but most of my mental energy is geared toward thinking about individuals, relationships and matters of the heart. As a biblical counselor I am committed to viewing all of this within a biblical framework but I don’t have the intellectual chops as it were to engage in highly academic theological discussions. I rely on those who are gifted intellectually to tackle the hard theological questions on levels that are beyond my reach. Their investment is a help to people like me and I’m thankful for them, but at the end of the day my ministry to weep with those who weep and to provide compassionate care to hurting people. This is the body of Christ – we all have different gifts and functions meant to work in harmony for His glory.
I truly love your article and I think it poses a very good question for all of us as biblical counselors to consider. I think there Has to be room for both I remember one of the things that was mentioned in one of my counseling classes and that is climbing into the casket with the suffering Saint. That’s what I strive to do to understand the feelings that she’s feeling and then maybe a couple sessions later we start talking about truth. Who is God in the midst of her feelings in the midst of her emotions? Who is she as God sees her in the midst of her feelings and in the midst of her emotions? I think it’s important to help her to know that her feelings are OK but they are not to drive the bus. I love the idea of renewing our minds in the midst of emotions, doing lies and truth lists, prayer Journaling,etc.
Absolutely. How can we listen and understand, and walk alongside without emotionally identifying? How do you actually care if you aren’t feeling the pain? Empathy does not mean pity. But just knowing facts doesn’t change hearts. We are told to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep”. And in so doing listening to God leading us in how to counsel and comfort, or redirect, or sometimes admonish with compassion instead of harshness. Change won’t come unless they know we care. If they can’t trust us, how can they trust God who desires their wholeness?
I’m a feeler and am thankful there is room for me in Biblical Counseling. I also take seriously the need to work to be a thinker since both perspectives are needed. Maybe it’s my age, but I’m becoming more thankful for who God created me to be and learning to trust He will accomplish His work in and through me in His time.
Wanted to comment here because God probably wired us in a similar way. I do feel very deeply, but also have the capacity to think very deeply in that theological, linear way (I am nerdy in this way! I love it). I did struggle for a long time with wondering why God made me the way He did. That “do I fit in anywhere” question resonates, still, especially as a woman (it’s rare I meet another woman who dives deeply into both worlds). Though you could probably make the case that as a man it’s difficult to find one who also deeply dives into both worlds. I understand better that we need each other–I benefit/grow/am helped and sharpened by those who aren’t deep feelers, and I’ve been told that I help my logical/linear thinkers go beneath the surface, understand nuance, not be afraid of the “hard” that comes with life that can’t just get neatly filed away under a clean category/file folder (my husband is one). Both of us have great strengths that also contribute to our greatest weaknesses, and we can help each other to bring a more full, whole counsel to people. We have blind spots that come with these traits. BC would be “unbalanced” and I’d venture to say, potentially legalistic/hurtful, if there were only one type of counselor.