I’m seeing a counselor.
And I’m very glad I’m seeing him. He’s incredibly helpful.
Someone recently asked me if I’d be willing to share what makes my counselor so helpful. I think I could write a book—or at least a booklet—on all the ways and reasons he is such a blessing to me. But this is a blog post, so I’ll try my best to condense my reflections.
Here’s my twenty-six word summary. My counselor:
- Compassionately, Comprehensively Relates God’s Truth Well and Wisely to My Whole Life—Patiently Listening to and Carefully Helping Me Connect My Story to Christ’s Gospel Story.
Let’s look at some of these descriptors, but in a different order…
God’s Truth
I’m seeing a biblical counselor. He knows God’s Word. He knows theology. He knows (and teaches) the fundamental tenets of biblical counseling. That’s foundational. Vital. I looked for and found a humble, godly man who knows God’s Truth; God’s Word.
What I say next may disappoint some; may shock others; may not surprise some:
Knowing God’s Truth is not enough.
Relates God’s Truth to Life: Wisdom for Living
Truth is for life. Theology is for living. Biblical counseling relates truth to life.
My counselor, first, connects God’s Word to his life—even in the middle of our sessions. He humbly acknowledges and models his desperate need for God’s wisdom for living.
Relates God’s Truth Well and Wisely to My Life
Second, he relates God’s truth to my life. However, he does not preach at me.
He talks with me, to me. He explores God’s Word with me. He does it, as David Powlison used to say, “well and wisely.”
Sadly, too many of us as biblical counselors still act as if “biblical” means “one verse-one problem-one solution.”
Sadly, too many of us see “biblical counseling” as a “one-size-fits-all Bible study” that we plop down on anyone and everyone.
Not my counselor.
My life is important to my counselor. He connects God’s Word to me—not to a generic person, but to me.
Patiently Listening to My Story
Wow! My counselor is patient. So. Very. Patient.
He is not in a rush.
He does not rush me to God’s story.
He patiently listens to my story, knowing that we will only relate God’s story well and wisely to my story if he truly knows my story.
Far too many of us as biblical counselors rush people to a verse, passage, or biblical principle before we truly know the unique soul and their specific situation.
My counselor wants to know me. I feel known. I feel loved. I feel understood. I feel heard. I feel seen.
He listens so well. So patiently. With such interest…in me. We never knew each other before he started counseling me—but I feel like we’ve known each other our whole lives.
My Whole Life: An Embodied-Soul
He wants to know all of me. My whole life.
Too many of us as biblical counselors skip or race through too many aspects of our counselee’s soul and situation.
My counselor wants to know my embodied-soul. He takes my brain, body, physical condition seriously. He is an “embodied-soul-informed” biblical counselor. He believes the body/brain matters to God, so my body/brain matters to my counselor.
My counselor wants to know my emotions. He’s not afraid to enter into my emotional being. He does not see emotions as somehow more “fallen” or more “negative” than thinking, choosing, doing… In fact, he richly values my emotions. He deeply enters my feelings.
My Whole Life: A Saint Who Suffers and Sins on My Sanctification Journey
Far too many of us as biblical counselors are sin-spotters. We have a one-track focus that is unbiblical.
Paul exhorts us in 1 Thessalonians 5:14 to gear our counseling to the particular person and specific situation of our counselee—warning the disruptive person, encouraging the discouraged person, strengthening and helping the weak, beaten-down person, patient with every person.
Paul exhorts us in Ephesians 4:29 only to speak words that are helpful for building others up—according to their need at the moment so it may benefit the specific person.
My counselor adjusts…to me. He focuses his counsel and care on me—as the unique, specific individual he is talking to. Not to some theoretical person or issue he’s read about in some book somewhere.
He focuses on who I am and what I need.
My counselor is not afraid to explore areas of potential sin with me. However, as he continues to patiently listen to me, hearing my unique story, he is quick to treat me as a saint. That’s a small “s” saint; not a capital “S” Saint.
He treats me as a Christian forgiven, justified, reconciled, renewed, regenerated, redeemed, changed. He is not “sin-spotting.”
He is “grace-enlarging” and “new-life-identifying.”
He sees me on a journey toward Christlikeness (progressive sanctification) and patiently walks that journey with me—often affirming the maturity he sees in me.
That means so much to me. I am being brutally honest with him. I am placing my soul in his hands. He is gentle. He is grace-filled and grace-focused. He sees strengths I don’t even see in myself. Others might shame me. He honors me.
My counselor listens to my suffering; enters my suffering. Wants to hear about my soul in my suffering. He is not afraid of my pain.
Other than family members, and several close friends, few have ever entered into my life so richly, with such grace, and with such a desire to know me, and even to enjoy me.
He is “Jesus with skin on” for me.
Compassionately, Comprehensively, Carefully Helping Me Connect My Story to Christ’s Gospel Story
I’m sure you already sense his compassion.
I’m sure you can already sense how comprehensively my counselor discusses, shares, explores multiple areas of my life—of my “soul-in-my-situation.”
You’ve read how he listens with personal interest and even intrigue to my story.
Of course, he does not stop there.
He helps me connect my story to God’s story.
Notice what I did not say. I did not say: He connects my story to God’s story.
What’s the difference?
He could “give me a fish”—by doing all the work of connecting my story to God’s story—by telling me what to think, how to live, how to act, what to do, how to have victory.
Instead, because he respects me, he helps me to connect my story to God’s story. He “teaches me to fish.”
As he listens, empathizes, draws me out, makes a summarizing comment, shares what he has heard me say, reflects with me, and directs me to Christ, so many times it has been like,
“Aha! Insight! Biblical enlightenment! The spiritual lightbulb goes on!”
I see the connection because of his patient listening and wise exploring. He doesn’t have to “spell it out for me.” He lays it before me and I see it. Then together we connect my story to God’s story.
Then when we explore passages together—they are passages that fit me, that match my soul, my situation. And they have power. God’s power. The Spirit’s enlightenment. Christ’s gospel grace.
Relates My Story to Christ’s Gospel Story
My counselor takes my story seriously. My temporal, earthly story matters to him. He also takes Christ’s eternal, heavenly story seriously. He doesn’t promise me false happiness now. Instead, he explores with me what it is like to take my current suffering and pain in lament to our eternal Trinitarian God who cares, comforts, and comes to us…and who one day in the future will finally make all things new.
My counselor does not know I am penning this post. I know he will be glad that I have not named him. He is humble. I know that if he added something to this post, it would be something like this,
“I am not all that! Bob is being very gracious. Any good is coming from and through Christ.”
My counselor is not pointing me to himself. My counselor is pointing me to Christ.
My counselor listens to my earthly story and helps me connect it to Christ’s eternal gospel story.
This post is not really all about my counselor.
This post is really all about our Wonderful Counselor. Our Father of compassion (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). Our sympathetic High Priest (Hebrews 4:14-16). Our groaning Holy Spirit (Romans 8:26-27).
A Final Thought…
When I’m counseling others, I often think, “WWJD?” What would Jesus do? What questions would Jesus ask? How would Jesus respond, relate?
I still do that, of course. Lately, however, when I’m counseling others I’ve also found myself thinking, “What would my counselor do, say? How would he respond, relate?”
After forty years of being the counselor, my counselor is impacting me that much. But again, he would insist that I—and all of us—look to Jesus as our ultimate Model, as our Wonderful Counselor.
Join the Conversation
What do you look for in a counselor, pastor, or friend when you want to talk to someone seriously about your life, your soul, your situation?
If you had just 20-to-30 words to describe your picture of loving biblical counseling, what would your description be?
How could the following 26-word description impact how you and I counsel and minister to others? My counselor:
- Compassionately, comprehensively relates God’s Truth well and wisely to my whole life—patiently listening to and carefully helping me connect my story to Christ’s gospel story.
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