A Word From Bob
This is a shortened and edited version of my longer post:
5 Biblical Counseling Principles for Addressing Disagreements Among Biblical Counselors.
That longer post introduced the “lay of the land” in our modern biblical counseling world—where biblical counselors are publicly “canceling” one another.
1. Our Overall Questions
- What biblical principles could guide us as biblical counselors as we interact with other biblical counselors—especially with those with whom we disagree?
- How should biblical counselors relate to one another when they perceive differences in their biblical counseling views and practices?
2. Humble Heart Questions
Since Jesus is our model and since Jesus is gentle and lowly, perhaps we could ask ourselves some humble heart questions before we consider criticizing other biblical counselors.
- Since the perfect God-man was meek, lowly, and humble, what does this suggest about the mindset and attitude I should pursue when I am thinking about writing/speaking about another biblical counselor…?
- Is Jesus calling me to overturn tables, or is He calling me to turn over my heart to His soul care and spiritual direction?
- Am I self-aware enough to realize that my judgment is impaired and imperfect?
- Are my writings/speaking about my fellow biblical counselor reflective of Jesus-like humility?
- Am I humbly open to critique from other biblical counselors? Or, do I simply like to be the one doing the nouthetic confrontation, but refuse to be the one on the receiving end?
- Am I willing to look at the log in my own eye? Or, do I simply like exposing the speck in the eyes of other biblical counselors?
3. Private Relationship Questions
It is very common in today’s world to hear people say,
“I’m confronting this person about something they wrote, did, or said publicly, so I do not need to first address them privately.”
I remember back in 2010, when David Powlison, Randy Patten, Steve Viars, and others asked me to be the founding Executive Director of the Biblical Counseling Coalition. I was an “unknown” to some people. Some of those folks perhaps heard something second or third hand about me. They would go to Steve Viars to question him about my biblical counseling credentials. He would always say:
“Have you read Bob’s writings? Have you spoken to Bob?”
That’s great biblical counsel about relationships with fellow biblical counselors.
- Have we read their writings?
- Have I gone to their primary sources to read their writings fairly, with an open mind, in context?
- Have I accurately summarized their writings/convictions in such a way that they would recognize themselves in what I am saying about them?
- Have we spoken to them? Have we emailed? Texted? Private messaged? Called? Zoomed? It’s so easy to do a personal check in.
- Have I given them an outline of my criticism and asked for their feedback?
- Have I asked, “Do my writings/words fairly represent your views? Or, have I mischaracterized your views? If so, could you help me to accurately convey your position?”
- Have I asked, “Am I presenting an unfair caricature of your teaching?”
- Have I asked, “Have I quoted you out of contexts?”
- Have I asked, “Are their other places where you address this further?”
- Have I sought to clarify their position and their sources? Have I asked, “Could you walk me through the biblical passages you use to develop your position? Could you walk me through the theological principles you use to develop your position? Could you walk me through where else in church history or modern Christianity you find additional support for your views?”
Is it really that hard to engage in fair and open personal dialogue before we cancel a fellow biblical counselor with our public monologue?
Is it really that hard to enter into personal dialogue before we “out” someone as an “illegitimate biblical counselor” or call them out as a “so-called biblical counselor”?
4. Integrity and Accuracy Questions
Checking in with the person goes a long way toward this. So does a mindset of integrity, truthfulness, and accuracy.
- Am I quoting my fellow biblical counselor out of context—just for a “gotcha!” moment?
- Am I leaving out corresponding parts of their teaching and highlighting only those parts that put the person’s writings in a bad (unfair, inaccurate, incomplete) light?
- Am I truly listening to them with open ears (like a biblical counselors is trained to do)? Or, am I seeing and reporting only what advances my negative narrative about them?
- Am I giving them the same benefit of the doubt that I would want them to give to me? Am I giving them the same benefit of the doubt that I would give someone in my “tribe”?
- Have I assessed their views based upon their stated definitions of their terms, or have I judged them based upon my own definitions of terms?
- Have I “cherry-picked” quotes and views from others to unfairly represent my view? Have I avoided quotes and sources that support the view of the biblical counselor I’m critiquing?
- Have I assessed their views based upon the Scriptures, or have I judged them based upon my own personal views of biblical counseling?
- Have I assessed their views based upon church history, or have I judged them based upon my group’s modern view of biblical counseling?
5. Biblical Charity/Love Questions
We can ask ourselves 1 Corinthians 13 questions.
- As I speak/write about biblical counseling brothers/sisters, are my words marked by love, patience, and kindness?
- Do my words flow from envy, boasting, pride, and/or arrogance?
- Do my words dishonor my brother or sister?
- Am I insisting on my own way? Am I irritable, resentful, rude, self-seeking, easily angered?
- Am I keeping records of perceived wrongs?
- Do my words rejoice with the truth? Do they bear all things, protect my brother or sister, believe all things, always trust, always hope, always endure?
- Do I give the benefit of the doubt to those in my own group while tending to believe and speak the worst about those from other groups? Am I inclined to interpret the statements of those from other groups in the worst possible light?
- Have I considered the impact that my negative words of criticism might have upon the heart of my fellow biblical counselor?
- Have I considered the impact that my negative words of criticism might have upon the vocation, calling, ministry, and livelihood of my fellow biblical counselor?
- How would I respond, what might I feel, and what would I think if I were publicly criticized and canceled by a fellow biblical counselor?
6. Scriptural Self-Examination Questions
Biblical counselors are all about self-confrontation, heart motivation, and personal sanctification—as assessed by God’s sufficient Scriptures. Let’s apply this to our relationships to one another as biblical counselors.
- Applying Galatians 5:13-25: Is our approach to our biblical counseling brother or sister reflective of the Spirit, or reflective of the flesh?
- Am I serving my biblical counseling brother/sister humbly in love?
- Am I loving my biblical counseling brother/sister as myself—treating them in writing the way I would want them to treat me in writing?
- Am I biting and devouring my biblical counseling brother/sister—instigating a mutual assured destruction?
- Are my attitudes, my actions, and my writings/words according to the flesh—impacted by hatred, discord, jealousy, selfish ambition, dissension, factions, envy, and the like?
- Are my writings/speaking about my biblical counseling brother/sister flowing from conceit and envy and likely to provoke them?
- Are my writings/speaking about my biblical counseling brother/sister filled with the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control?
- Are my writings/words indicative of someone who belongs to Christ and has crucified my flesh with its sinful passions and selfish desires?
- Applying James 3:19-18: Is our approach to our biblical counseling brother or sister reflective of wisdom from above or of wisdom from below?
- Am I seeing my biblical counseling brother/sister as an image bearer? Or, am I questioning their very redemption? Am I calling into question their Christianity?
- Out of my mouth is there at the same time praise to God and cursing to my brother/sister in Christ?
- Am I demonstrating my biblical wisdom, discernment, and understanding by showing it by my good life and by deeds done and words written in humility?
- Am I harboring bitter envy and selfish ambition in my heart as I write about my biblical counseling brother/sister?
- Am I boasting about my superiority/superior knowledge) and thus denying God’s truth and speaking a “wisdom” that is earthly, unspiritual, demonic?
- As I address my biblical counseling brother’s/sister’s writings, is my approach pure, peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy, full of good fruit, impartial, and sincere?
- Are my writings/words about my biblical counseling brother/sister indicative of a peacemaker who sows in peace and desires to reap a harvest of righteousness?
- Applying Ephesians 4:25-32: Is our approach to our biblical counseling brother or sister reflective of biblical principles of relational communication?
- Are my writings/speaking about my biblical counseling brother/sister indicative of any level of falsehood? Am I speaking truthfully to and about my biblical counseling brother/sister?
- Am I writing/speaking at all out of unrighteous anger? Do I need to go to my biblical counseling brother/sister to address my unrighteous anger about/against them?
- Are my writings/speaking giving the devil a foothold?
- Am I guilty of speaking unwholesome words (rotten, putrid, foul, corrupt, vicious, impure) against my biblical counseling brother/sister?
- Are my writings/words grieving the Holy Spirit?
- Are my writings/speaking reflective at all of bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, or malice?
- Are my writings/words about my biblical counseling brother/sister kind and compassionate?
Join the Conversation
Have you been unfairly canceled or called out either publicly or privately by another biblical counselor? If so, what was it like for you? How did you handle it between you and God? How did you handle it between you and the person?
Have you canceled or called out another biblical counselor? On the basis of the biblical principles in this post would you have done anything differently? Should you do anything now?
Which of the biblical principles from this post stand out the most to you? Why? How might you apply them?
What additional biblical principles would you add for how biblical counselors should relate to one another when they perceive differences in their biblical counseling views and practices?
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