An Odd Blog Title for a Counselor! 

Yes. I’m a counselor writing about the impact of bad counseling.

Where is this coming from? It is not coming from my own experience of being counseled. I’ve been blessed in that regard—The Counselor Sees a Counselor.

Today’s blog post is coming from my month-long study of the book of Job. It’s coming from God’s evaluation of Job’s counselors.

“After the Lord had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, ‘I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has’” (Job 42:7).

I’ve also derived today’s blog post from Job’s evaluation of his counselors.

“Then Job replied: ‘I have heard many things like these; you are miserable comforters, all of you! Will your long-winded speeches never end? What ails you that you keep on arguing? I also could speak like you, if you were in my place; I could make fine speeches against you and shake my head at you. But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief’” (Job 16:1-5).

Job’s miserable counselors were wrong about God and they were wrong about Job.

Job’s Miserable Counselors Speak Foolishly About God 

Jesus was visited by three wise men. Job was visited by three foolish men.

“So now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and sacrifice a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly. You have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has” (Job 42:8).

How did Job’s miserable counselors speak wrongly and foolishly about God? It took 42 chapters for the book of Job to answer that question. I’ll attempt to summarize my answer with a few bullet points.

• They saw God as a Great Sovereign, but not as a Good Shepherd.
• They saw God as all-powerful, but not as all-loving.
• They saw God as just, but not as loving, gracious, compassionate, merciful, kind, giving, forgiving, and redeeming.
• They saw God as a harsh Judge, a cruel Tyrant, not as a forgiving and giving Father.
• They saw God as a works-oriented God, not as a grace-centered God.
• They mistook God’s shepherding for condemnation and judgment.
• They saw God as a petty, “tit-for-tat,” vindictive, childish God who only gives good to us when we are good; and always gives bad to us when we are bad. They saw God as being an immature child who says, “You hit me first; now I’ll get back at you!” “You started this; I’ll finish it!” “I do get mad, and I get even!”
• Because they misunderstood God, they misunderstood suffering. They said suffering is always caused by sinning. According to them, every sufferer is always suffering because of their direct personal sin.

Job’s Miserable Counselors Speak Cruelly About Job

In my notes on the book of Job, I have fifty examples of the “miserable counseling” of Job’s three “friends.” Some day I’ll post those. For today, here’s my summary:

God describes Job as blameless; Job’s counselors describe Job as to blame for his suffering.

God repeatedly described Job’s blamelessness.

“In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil” (Job 1:1).

“Then the Lord said to Satan, ‘Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil’” (Job 1:8).

“Then the Lord said to Satan, ‘Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason’” (Job 2:3).

Job’s miserable counselors repeatedly described Job as to blame for his suffering. In their minds, Job was suffering because Job was sinning. God was judging Job.

Throughout their speeches, they victim blame and victim shame Job.

“Consider now: Who, being innocent, has ever perished? Where were the upright ever destroyed? As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap it. At the breath of God they perish; at the blast of his anger they are no more. (Job 4:7-9).

“Is it for your piety that he rebukes you and brings charges against you? Is not your wickedness great? Are not your sins endless?” (Job 22:4-5).

In truth, Job is an example of “undeserved suffering,” “innocent suffering.” Jesus describes this innocent suffering in John 9:1-3.

“As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.’”

Job’s miserable counselors even cruelly blamed Job for the death of his ten children! Speaking to Job, who lost all his children in one tragic, traumatic event, Job’s miserable counselors link Job and his children with the wicked.

• “His children are far from safety, crushed in court without a defender” (Job 5:4).
• “When your children sinned against him, he gave them over to the penalty of their sin” (Job 8:4).
• “He has no offspring or descendants among his people, no survivor where once he lived” (Job 18:19).

Job’s Miserable Counselors Are Complicit in Job’s Struggles 

What Job received were moral (immoral) lectures about an aloof tit-for-tat god and moral reprimands that were untrue about Job. Job received bad counsel about God, about himself, and about life. 

Job’s counselors made his life worse, rather than better. If you read Job 1-2, you find Job grieving deeply, yet trusting God even more deeply. If you read Job 3, you find Job lamenting to God. It is not until after “the three wise men” began “counseling” and “comforting” Job that Job began speaking against God.

As we find in Job’s response to God in in Job 42, Job did take responsibility for how he viewed God after his suffering began. Job ultimately humbly takes responsibility for his response to his miserable comforters. Job’s sin did not cause his suffering. However, Job was not sinless in his response to his suffering. His miserable counselors are complicit in Job’s eventual struggle.

Miserable counselors make our lives worse! Here’s how I summarized this in a recent social media post.

• What a terrible, horrible, no-good, rotten thing it is to be a counselor who misjudges our counselee and misjudges God! In examining the book of Job, it is apparent that Job’s miserable counselors play a detrimental role in Job’s misunderstanding of God. It is not until these “miserable comforters” mistook Job’s suffering for sin, and mistook God’s shepherding for judgment, that Job began to misperceive God through the lens of condemning Judge. They are complicit in Job’s confusion. No wonder God says of them, “I am angry with you because you have not spoken the truth about me” and you have spoken “folly” (Job 42:7-9). 

Job’s Counselors Today 

Sadly, we still hear horror stories today of miserable counselors who victimize victims.

Victim blaming occurs today in domestic abuse situations whenever a counselor supports the perpetrator while blaming the victim for instigating the abuse—by not being loving or wise or submissive enough. “Endure abuse for the sake of your marriage.”

Victim shaming occurs today in sexual abuse counseling whenever a counselor blames the victim as being complicit in the abuse—as a “temptress,” as not “modest enough,” as “wanting it,” as “enjoying it.”

Victimizing victims occurs today whenever a counselor blames a sufferer for their suffering. “If only you were more godly, then God would not…” “Let’s explore what hidden sins might be behind what you are going through…”

O. Hobart Mowrer, the father of modern behaviorism and modern responsibility counseling (integrity therapy), built his entire model on his view that there was no “false guilt.” According to Mowrer, behind every counseling issue is hidden real guilt that the counselor must expose, and that the counselee must repent of. Using this model, Mowrer frequently confronted victims of domestic abuse and childhood sexual abuse, insisting that they must confess their hidden, repressed sin and their complicity in their own abuse. Sadly, his secular model influenced some Christian approaches to counseling.

What Do You Do When Your Counselor Makes Your Life Worse? 

What do you do if your counselor speaks wrongly about God and wrongly about you?

1. Find another counselor.

2. Find your voice.

Read Job and you will see all the times that Job spoke up against his counselors’ miserable counseling.

3. Find God.

Though Job struggled with his understanding of God, Job’s constant desire was to be in a face-to-face relationship with God. Seek God as your Wonderful Counselor through His Word, His Spirit, and His people.