Imagine 

Imagine someone publicly inciting a group of people to put you, your daughter, and your spouse’s life in danger…

Imagine someone with the power to quell a rioting mob that is putting you, your daughter, and your husband’s life in danger doing nothing for hours…

Imagine someone, rather than taking responsibility, admitting culpability, and asking forgiveness, instead spending four years doubling-down on defending their actions that contributed to putting you, your daughter, and your spouse’s life in danger…

Imagine someone publicly calling your spouse a “coward” for doing his duty (along with calling him other disgusting, despicable words that a Christian should never use, and no one should ever be called)…

Imagine you run into that person in public and you do nothing provocative or mean, and you simply decide not to greet that person…

Imagine people making you out to be the villain, and saying the person who put your spouse’s life at risk is the victim…

Imagine Christians shaming you, claiming you are unforgiving, un-Christlike, and not “nice” enough…

Imagine those same Christians not saying a public word confronting the words and actions/inaction of the person who put your spouse’s life in danger…

Karen Pence and Donald Trump 

Yes, I am talking about Karen Pence not shaking hands with Donald Trump at the funeral of former President Jimmy Carter. Yes, I am talking about the January 6, 2020, Capitol riot, when an angry mob left a speech by Donald Trump, and stormed the Capitol, chanting, “Hang Mike Pence!” In 2023, Mike Pence said that “Trump’s reckless words endangered my family and everyone at the Capitol that day.”

Notice that Mike Pence said, “endangered my family…” Some people forget that Mike Pence’s wife and daughter were with him that day. Some people forget that the Secret Service hurriedly evacuated Mike Pence into the Vice President’s ceremonial office just steps from the Senate floor. Some people forget the pictures of Karen Pence frantically closing the curtains in that room, scared that the angry mob would see them, as her daughter looks on in fear, and as they hear the rioters chanting, “Hang Mike Pence!”

Now, after experiencing all of that terror, after no repentance from Donald Trump for four full years, and now being together with Donald Trump for the first time since the January 6, 2020, riots, Karen Pence is in the same room with her abuser. Yet, Karen Pence did not say a single negative word to Donald Trump. Karen Pence did not do anything provocative toward Donald Trump. Karen Pence simply did not rise to shake his hand.

Now social media, including Christians, are castigating her and empathizing with poor Donald Trump for not having his hand shaken by the women who, along with her spouse and daughter, could have been killed by his actions, words, non-action, and non-words four years ago.

Karen Pence wrote a book about her experience in the White House: When It’s Your Turn to Serve. The USA Today was surprised that she highlighted Scripture verses and Christian living, rather than talking negatively about the man who put her husband’s life in danger: Bible verses and bees – not Trump – dominate new book by former second lady Karen Pence. Karen Pence has a public history of “niceness” to those who are cruel to her and her husband.

For his part, Mike Pence has continued to pray for Donald Trump, as he pledged to do in one of their final conversations in office. Sadly, Trump told Pence, “Don’t bother” praying for me.

What Does the Bible Teach About Relating to Unrepentant People 

Some quick thoughts here. (See links below for additional resources.)

1. Social media opinion can’t be our decisive guide for right and wrong. People-pleasing by agreeing with the social media mob is not Christlikeness. Getting “likes” for jumping on the Trump bandwagon, and the anti-Karen bandwagon, is not Christlikeness.

2. Donal Trump has never apologized for his inaction in attempting to quell the mob attacking the Capitol and putting Karen Pence, her daughter, and her husband’s life at risk.

3. The Bible does not teach reconciling with unrepentant people. It teaches confronting in love and then separating from them if they remain unrepentant (Titus 3:10-11. Matthew 18:15-17).

4. Heart forgiveness and interpersonal reconciliation are two different theological truths and life applications. It is unbiblical to accuse someone of being “bitter” or “unforgiving” simply because they are not reconciling with an unrepentant abuser.

5. Reconciling with unrepentant abusive people leads to more abusive behavior. It is enabling. While the social media mob may insist on being “nice” to Donald Trump, there is another large group—victims of abusive behavior, and advocates for victims—who follow the biblical principles of standing up against abuse, confronting sin, and not tolerating or enabling harm to others. They stand with Karen Pence not standing. I stand with Karen Pence not standing.

Taking a Risk: Standing Up by Not Standing!  

Yes, I am taking a risk here in taking the side of Karen Pence over Donald Trump—because Trump’s followers will go to incredible lengths to defend him, and to defame anyone who does not bow down to him.

However, my risk is nothing compared to the courageous risk that Karen Pence took by standing up to Donald Trump by not standing.

Our Biblical Counseling World 

The modern biblical counseling movement was built upon a word used 11 times in the New Testament (noutheteo) that focuses on confronting sin. It’s interesting that many in our movement seem to confront people for not being “nice” to abusers, yet seem allergic to confronting abusers.

I am glad that segments of our movement are recognizing the need to address abuse, support abuse victims, not shame victims, and confront abuse and abusers. Here are some links to some of those growing resources.

• In Abusive Relationships, Misapplying Biblical Principles Can Endanger the Abuse Victim and Can Enable the Abuser
• 46 Resources on Spiritual Abuse
• 20 Biblical Passages on Spiritual Abuse
• Definitions and Signs of Spiritual Abuse
• 12 Biblical Counseling Resources on Domestic Abuse
• 11 Biblical Counseling Resources on Sexual Abuse: Healing & Hope in Christ
• Sexual Abuse: Beauty for Ashes
• 6 Biblical Counseling Resources on Sexual Abuse Prevention
• Shepherds Please Think, “Protect Well.” Please Stop Saying, “Suffer Well.”
• A Compassionate Biblical Approach to Suffering: “Biblical Sufferology”