Why I’ve Equipped Christians in Biblical Empathy for Forty Years
For over 40 years, I’ve studied the Bible and church history regarding empathy. Five years ago, I collated some of that material into a free 42-page PDF:
Because I’ve written on biblical empathy, and because of current discussions about empathy, I’ve been asked questions like,
Do you see a problem of counselors or pastors disregarding truth because they are empathizing with people’s emotions.
I’ll answer that question in two ways:
- The biblical/theological answer.
- A practical/equipping answer.
The Biblical/Theological Answer: Emphasizing What the Bible Emphasizes
In our evangelical Christian world, we continue to see writings that warn against “untethered empathy” and the “sin of empathy.” I disagree with the emphasis of these writings for several reasons, especially because:
- They reverse the Bible’s emphasis on speaking the truth in loving empathy.
- They reverse the Bible’s emphasis on rebuking the error of untethering truth from loving empathy.
The Bible consistently rebukes truth untethered from love, from suffering with, from mourning with, from compassion, from empathy, from sympathy, from gentleness, from understanding, from comfort, from groaning with, from humility, from grace, and from a host of additional relational competencies.
Or, said positively:
The Bible consistently commands that we always tether truth to love, compassion, comfort, tender care, and empathy—like Jesus.
Let’s put our emphasis where the Bible does—on rebuking the error of untethering truth from love.
Don’t take my word for it. Take God’s Word. Follow the link below to reflect on three dozen biblical passages and theological truths about untethered truth:
The Sin of Untethered Truth: Truth Without Loving Empathy Is Sin.
Yes, of course, truth is essential, vital, foundational. Yes, of course, love is essential, vital, foundational. Yes, of course, truth and love/care/compassion/empathy must be tethered together.
Within the contexts of church shepherding leadership and the context of daily Christian relationships, the Bible emphasizes warnings against the danger of untethering truth from love, compassion, comfort, care, concern, and empathy.
A Practical/Equipping Answer: Equipping Where the Need Is Greatest
Again, here’s the question:
Do you see a problem of counselors or pastors disregarding truth because they are empathizing with people’s emotions.
My shorter answer:
I see a problem of Evangelical pastors, counselors, and lay people disregarding love in our truth-telling.
My longer answer:
In 40 years of teaching, training, equipping, and supervising literally 1000s of pastors/counselors/lay people in training (students, lay people in churches, pastors, already certified counselors, professional licensed counselors), I have not seen biblical empathy causing pastors/counselors to abandon biblical truth.
Perhaps that is because I’ve worked for 40 years in Evangelical circles where truth is, rightly, held so very high. I’ve taught as a professor or as an adjunct in over a dozen Evangelical seminaries/Bible colleges in the US and around the world. I’ve equipped lay people to counsel in half-a-dozen churches. They do not struggle with truth-telling.
Instead, here’s what I have repeatedly witnessed:
The counselor or pastor disregarding the life, the story, the experience, and the emotion of the counselee/parishioner, and racing in with confrontation before they even have listened well to the counselee’s story. I’ve found a consistent tendency toward Job 16 “miserable comforters” type of shepherding.
How do I address a biblical “balance” of truth and love, of listening to the earthly story of suffering and listening together to God’s eternal story? I teach a biblical/church history model of Christian sustaining, healing, reconciling, and guiding. All aspects of pastoral care are included in it. See,
Gospel Conversations: How to Care Like Christ.
The reconciling aspect includes exposing and confronting sin. The 1000s of Evangelical pastors/students/lay counselors I’ve trained have an affinity to race to reconciling:
Seek a sin; spot a sin; confront a sin.
We need more help truly hearing people’s story: their story of suffering, and their story of sin. When we hear the story of sin, Evangelical trainees need more help enlightening people biblically to grasp Christ’s grace and wonderful forgiveness.
What have those 1000s of trainees consistently been poor at?
They are ill-equipped at sustaining empathy, Christlike compassion, biblical care, and Christian comfort.
Modern American Evangelicals are good at truth-telling, but poor at biblical empathy.
That’s why, long before people started writing about the sin of empathy or toxic empathy, I was writing about and equipping people in the beauty of Christlike empathy.
It’s also why, when this empathy issue pops up again and again, I post my free PDF on Empathy Is Biblical.
People are hearing a lot about toxic empathy. They are not hearing a lot about biblical empathy. As Evangelical pastors, biblical counselors, theologians, professors, and church members, we need to hear about and learn how to live out Christlike empathy.
In summary,
Biblical empathy is a life-long passion of mine because far too many of us as Evangelicals fail at speaking/embodying truth in Christlike loving empathy—which is what the Bible emphasizes.
Bob, Thanks for another clear call for balance in ministry and serving. I may have quoted this before, but one of my influencers was during my early days of integrating my faith and education. A Missionary Doctor from England named Frank Lake became a Psychiatrist after WWII. He often used the following idea to bring Truth and Love together.
Care + Confrontation = Growth + Tribulation.
Little Care + Confrontation = Minimum Growth and Maximum Tribulation.
Maximum Care + Minimum Confrontation = Minimum Growth and Maximum Tribulation.
Maximum Care + Maximum Confrontation = Maximum Growth + Minimum Tribulation.
Paul takes on this challenge and writes brilliantly about it in Galatians 6:
Brothers, even if a person is caught in some intentional trespass, those of you who are spiritually mature are to restore them in a spirit of gentleness. Make sure you examine yourself lest you also succumb to a temptation.
I think there are two different kinds of temptation. Each is mentioned by Dr. Lake. On one side, some are tempted to listen carefully with empathy but refuse to confront. On the opposite side, we have those who love to confront but find care and empathy difficult.
We begin every training lab with a focus on learning the empathic skills and virtues of Care. One exercise offers participants an opportunity to identify their harmful habits and think about how God would have them change. This simple exercise usually has a profound impact on the students, which leads most of them to repent for a lifetime of failing to speak life to those in distress.