Discipling Parents to Disciple Their Children 

On X (Twitter), I recently read a discussion about the validity and effectiveness of youth ministry. I am not at all against youth ministry, or children’s ministry, or youth pastors. However, the discussion on X/Twitter did remind me about how we approached youth ministry when I was a Sr. Pastor. Here’s a summary…

A Church Without a Sr. Pastor 

When I was a “Sr. Pastor,” I actually called my position, “Congregational Discipleship Pastor.” I saw my biblical calling to be overseeing, along with our Elder Ministry Team, the discipleship of our entire congregation.

A Church Without a Youth Pastor 

Because of this philosophy, the first hire we made as our church tripled in size was “Family Discipleship Pastor” rather than “Youth Pastor.” We wanted this person/position to focus on discipling the parents to disciple their children/teens. The person/position also involved assessing, overseeing, and shepherding all of our ministries to families (couples, parents, children, youth).

A Somewhat Unpopular Decision 

Honestly, it was not an entirely “popular” decision, as about 30% of the parents with teens were unhappy that we were not hiring a “Youth Pastor.” This was after our EMT (Elder Ministry Team) spent half-a-year seeking to educate/equip the church regarding the role of Pastor-Elder as equippers. So, it is not an easy or popular decision to focus on discipling the whole church and discipling parents, rather than hiring a Youth Pastor to do the discipling of teens.

Research or Revelation? (Or Both?) 

We made this decision not because of research (though we did our homework and read the studies), but because of our scriptural convictions. As someone who has done a lot of research, and who believes in being research-informed, even after reading material like the resource you mention, I am not convinced that we can easily separate influences. Can we really slice/dice information to determine what factors had the most long-term impact on faith development and persistence? Think of the complexity of that sentence: “…to determine what factors had the most long-term impact on faith development and persistence.”

A Biblical Wisdom Issue 

Again, I am not against a church hiring a “Youth Pastor,” especially if the clear ministry description is to equip the parents to equip their children/teens. My own Youth Pastor, Pastor Ron Allchin, had a tremendous impact on my spiritual life. I was not from a Christian home. He mentored and discipled me. He also did all he could to impact my family. I vividly recall one Thursday evening when he spent four hours with my Mom, older brothers, and younger sisters answering question after question they had about Christianity.

He did all of this, while also leading the Youth Ministry. A high percentage of the young people from that small church are now, decades later, retiring from a lifetime of vocational ministry (retiring from making money, but not retiring from serving the Lord). Many of them, like myself, did not grow up in a Christian home. Our Youth Pastor was the primary factor that God used in our lives to disciple us to go on to be disciple-making pastors, Christian school teachers, seminary professors, missionaries, and people who served the Lord regardless of whether we were in “full-time Christian vocational ministry.”

How Did We Do It? 

Someone on X/Twitter, asked me,

“Do you have any resources on how you guys went about discipling the parents to disciple their children / teens?”

Here’s my response…

The “5Ds” of Biblical Parenting 

We didn’t have any one curriculum, but we did use a biblical parenting model/approach that I developed from Deuteronomy 6, Ephesians 6, and the rest of Scripture. That model eventually became this booklet:

Raising Kids in the Way of Grace: 5 Practical Marks of Grace-Focused Parenting.

This biblical parental approach highlights “5 Parental Ds”:

1. Parental Dedication,
2. Parental Discernment,
3. Parental Devotion,
4. Parental Discipline, and
5. Parental Discipleship.

5 Marks of GRACE-Focused Parenting 

These “5Ds” summarize a broader “GRACE” model of parenting:

1. G—Mark 1: God-Dependent Parents—Parental Dedication
2. R—Mark 2: Revelation-Based Parental Wisdom—Parental Discernment
3. A—Mark 3: Affectionate and Affirming Grace Relationships—Parental Devotion
4. C—Mark 4: Care-fronting Our Children’s Heart—Parental Discipline
5. E—Mark 5: Equipping Our Children for the Race of Life—Parental Discipleship

Some Specifics 

Some of the ways we discipled parents to disciple their children included:

• We had seminars on GRACE Parenting and the “5 Parental Ds.”
• We had classes and small groups on GRACE Parenting and the “5 Parental Ds.”
• We provided biblical parental/family counseling.
• We preached on GRACE Parenting and the “5 Parental Ds.”
• Everyone, 5th grade and up, was in the Worship Service. We also had special Sundays when everyone of all ages were in the Worship Service together.
• We designed our small group ministry to be across the age spectrum, so that younger parents were in groups with older parents and grandparents.
• Our men’s ministry and women’s ministry focused on equipping men and women to equip the next generation.
• We provided biblical resources for parents on their own Christian maturity.
• We provided biblical resources for parents on marriage.
• We provided biblical resources for parents on discipling their children.

Strong Marriages 

We also believed that strong marriages were a key to strong parenting, so we provided marriage seminars, marriage classes, marriage small groups, preached on marriage, and provided biblical marriage counseling.

Parent-Led Youth and Children’s Ministry 

Since we did not have a Youth Pastor, our Family Discipleship Pastor equipped parents to lead the youth ministry. Yes, we did have a youth ministry—parent-led.

Since we did not have a Children’s Pastor, our Family Discipleship Pastor equipped parents to lead the children’s ministry.

In Summary 

Our approach focused on a Deuteronomy 6 “as you walk in the way” model. So, for example, while we encouraged (and equipped parents to lead) family devotions, even more than that we encouraged Christlike living in the home.

A Focal Point 

We said the following again and again:

“Children and teens need godly parenting more than they need counseling, more than they need youth ministry, more than they need children’s ministry.”

We did provide biblical family counseling, biblical youth ministry (parent-led), and biblical children’s ministry (parent-led), but the focal point was:

Discipling Parents in Christlikeness.

“The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher” (Luke 6:40).