Six Real-Life Principles for Dealing with Real-Life Emotions
Here’s a little reflection on some Psalms, a verse from Proverbs, and a few other passages about a real, raw, biblical response to our embodied-emotions. What follows is not a book, but a thread—so it doesn’t say everything. However, it does provide six real-life principles for responding to real-life emotions.
1. Listen to the Alarm: Tune Into the Embodied-Emotional Signal
Emotions are God-designed signals that provide immediate perception of potential danger/alarm. The Bible does not teach denying or stuffing our emotions. Psalm 42:5 teaches us to tune into and experience what we are feeling: “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?”
Proverbs 22:3 teaches us the value of our emotions as signals of potential danger: “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” Embodied-emotions are an alarm alerting us to possible threats.
So when those embodied-emotions sweep over us, instead of drowning in them or trying to suppress them, we engage them. We ask ourselves, “What am I feeling?” “How is my body responding?” “What potential danger—real or imagined—am I concerned about?”
That alarm can work well, or work poorly. Our alarm can get stuck—stuck vigilance.
When our alarm goes off—especially if it goes off constantly—what are we to do? How might we respond when what was meant for good (emotions as an alarm) becomes overwhelming (emotions as a constant sense of dread, foreboding)?
2. Calm the Body
God not only created us as emotional beings; He also created us as physical beings—we are embodied-souls. Our emotions and our bodies are particularly intertwined.
The body/brain affects the soul; the soul/mind affects the body. Psalm 16:8-9: “I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure.”
The Bible constantly recognizes the intricate, intimate, interconnected relationship between our body and soul. When stuck in alarm mode, we can physically calm our body. Addressing the body—the brain/body/nervous system—is biblical. God met Elijah’s fear with food, water, rest, and sleep—1 Kings 19:1-9.
When we’re experiencing “stuck vigilance”—an alarm that won’t ever stop—we can physically calm our body and we can spiritually calm our body. Let’s consider what it looks like to bring spiritual calm to our embodied-soul…
3. Face our Feelings Face-to-Face with Christ: Seek God’s Presence—Bring Relationality/Spirituality to Our Emotionality
God designed us as emotional beings; physical beings, and—at the core of who we are—as relational-spiritual beings. The holy of holies of our being is our capacity for worshipful, trusting, dependent relationship with God.
If emotions are a signal of potential danger, then they are also a reminder-signal of where to run for safety: Psalm 56:3-4: “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise—in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”
Emotions have at least a dual role—reminding us of our vulnerability and reminding us of our ultimate place of safety—in God’s arms. Deuteronomy 33:27: “The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.”
We treat emotions, especially emotions like fear or anxiety, as a signal to bring to God. Embodied-soul care recognizes that embodied-emotions can produce genuine feelings of alarm even when objective danger is low. The goal is neither suppression nor surrender to the emotion, but discernment and surrender to God.
Our embodied-emotions get a voice, but not the final vote. The final vote goes to God: God’s Word, God’s presence, God’s promises. Psalm 42:5: “Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
4. Give Our Feelings a Voice, But Not the Final Vote: Bring Rationality to Our Emotionality
God designed us as emotional beings, physical beings, spiritual-relational beings, and as rational beings. Again, our embodied-emotions get a voice, but not the final vote. We use our capacity to think in images and beliefs to rationally evaluate our emotions (after we’ve actually sensed, acknowledged, felt, and experienced our emotions).
We treat emotions as a perception of reality, not as facts. Emotions are data, not conclusions. They are a signal, not a verdict to obey. They provide information about perceived danger, but they do not by themselves determine reality.
Though “emotional intelligence” is good, our emotions are not the wisest thing about us. Though emotions are strong, they are not the strongest thing about us. Emotions are servants, not masters.
As we turn to God, we begin to experience embodied-soul safety and calmness. “But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content. Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore” (Psalm 131:2-3).
With that sense of calm, we respond to reality, rather than to the alarm alone. This takes us full circle back to Proverbs 22:3. The prudent, wise, rational, discerning person perceives potential danger, assesses the reality, and, if necessary, takes refuge—always in God and often in other wise ways (not touching the hot stove, not playing in traffic, fleeing an abuser, calling the police on an intruder…).
We ask, “Is my body’s perception of danger accurate, real, proportional?” Or, “Is the danger I’m sensing real or imagined? If real, what is the wise thing to do? If imagined, how do I address this misperception?” Which takes us to the next layer of response…
5. Magnify God When Our Emotions Magnify Danger
Our embodied-emotions (brain, body, nervous system) imagine danger—sometimes it is real; sometimes it is not. Often the “danger-imagination” is a magnifier—magnifying the danger out of proportion. When that happens, we can try to fight it by pretending that we don’t sense a monster under the bed. That can be like trying not to think about a pink elephant. Or, we can “fight imagination with imagination.” We can face the danger we imagine with biblical images of God our Rock, Safety, Fortress, Shield, Protector, Shepherd…
We respond rationally to emotions by using our God-given capacity for imagination. The Hebrew is yetzer. The Old Testament uses it in many places, including in Isaiah 26:3-4. “You will keep in perfect peace (shalom shalom) those whose minds (yetzer, imagination) are focused on you, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.” We can use our yetzer to picture God as “the Rock eternal.” Or, as our Sovereign Shepherd: Isaiah 40:10-12: “Behold your God! See, the sovereign Lord comes with power, and he rules with a mighty arm. See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him. He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.”
Consider all the vivid images the psalmist uses as he fights night terrors. “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day” (Psalm 91:1-2, 4-5).
6. Remember God When Our Embodied-Emotions Remember Trauma
In Psalm 42, the psalmist is remembering several past experiences of traumatic suffering. He recalls the taunts of those who question whether God has abandoned him (42:3). He reexperiences loneliness as he no longer can worship with God’s people (42:4). He feels like he’s overwhelmed and drowning in suffering (42:7). He feels forgotten by God (42:9). He’s mourning (42:9). He’s oppressed by enemies (42:9). His remembrances of past trauma and his experiences of current suffering merge to cause him to feel embodied-soul pain: “my bones suffer mortal agony” (42:10).
The psalmist refuses the way of denial. He rejects spiritualizing reality—pretending as if he is not in embodied-soul agony.
When he remembers his traumatic suffering, he remembers God. “My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar” (42:6).
When he feels like he’s drowning in emotional despair, he remembers his strong and loving God. “Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life” (42:7-8).
He’s candid with God. Catch that—with God. He talks to God about feeling forgotten by God. “I say to God my Rock, ‘Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?’”
When our world rocks us, we turn to God our Rock. When our embodied-emotions signal danger, we turn to God our safety: “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety” (Psalm 4:8).
