A Word from Bob: A Shortened Version
For a shortened version of this post, you can read: 6 Types of Biblical Self-Examination Questions to Ask Before Criticizing Fellow Biblical Counselors.
Our Focus
What biblical principles could guide us as biblical counselors as we interact with other biblical counselors—especially with those with whom we disagree?
How should biblical counselors relate to one another when they perceive differences in their biblical counseling views and practices?
It’s a Jungle Out There
Shirley and I always enjoyed the detective show Monk. The theme song—It’s a Jungle Out There—is still true today.
It’s a jungle out there
Disorder and confusion everywhere
No one seems to care
Well I do
Hey, who’s in charge here?
It’s a jungle out there
Poison in the very air we breathe
Do you know what’s in the water that you drink?
With Detective Adrian Monk’s struggle with OCD, the theme song is talking about chemical poisons and contaminants.
Christian Cancel Culture—Even in the Biblical Counseling Community
There are also relational poisons and contaminants…
Sadly, we experience disorder and confusion in our Christian relationships—individually and organizationally.
Sadly, there is poison in the very words we speak about and against one another as Christians—even among biblical counseling leaders.
I’ve recently read two posts that highlight how it’s a jungle out there in our Evangelical world and in our modern biblical counseling world.
One post was from my friend and fellow biblical counselor, Jim Newheiser, at the Biblical Counseling Coalition (BCC): Hebrews 11 and Cancel Culture.
The other post was from Ronni Kurtz and The Gospel Coalition (TGC): Why Do the Theologians Rage?
I’ll briefly summarize each post—to provide you with a sense of the poison in the words we speak to one another as Christians.
Then I’ll share biblical counseling principles for how biblical counselors can embody truth in love as we speak to and about one another.
Hebrews 11 and Cancel Culture (Jim Newheiser and the BCC)
Jim begins:
“We all have become familiar with cancel culture in the media, entertainment, and academia. People who take unpopular positions are banished from social media and school campuses.”
“Cancel culture has also come to evangelical Christianity as both contemporary and historical figures are judged to be unworthy because they said or did something deemed to be oppressive or incorrect. Former allies are persona non grata. What once were close personal friendships have been severed.”
Jim then rightly notes that there is a proper biblical judgment to be made (Matthew 18:15-20; 1 Corinthians 5; 1 Timothy 3:1-7; 5:19-21; James 3:1). And he rightly notes that the Bible also warns us against improper judgment (Matthew 7:1; James 4:11-12).
In his post, Jim shares examples of biblical counselors being canceled by those outside the biblical counseling world.
“In recent days some have condemned and sought to cancel the founder of the biblical counseling movement (and the movement itself) because of a statement he made decades ago about abuse. I believe that one can disagree with what he said without repudiating his legacy, rejecting the rest of his teaching, and vilifying all who follow in his footsteps.”
On the basis of Hebrews 11, Jim draws the following conclusions:
“A distinction needs to be made between evil men who have a pattern of bad behavior and those whose lives are characterized by piety and good works and yet have, in isolated cases, fallen short (sinned) in what they have said and done.”
“We who see the problems of how cancel culture affects those with whom we sympathize also need to ensure that we do not wrongly create our own cancel counterculture in which we become harsh and uncharitable.”
Why Do the Theologians Rage? (Ronni Kurtz and TGC)
Ronni begins:
“Division and discord are growing sicknesses in our day. We’re separated into ever-fracturing tribes, and the ‘us versus them’ mentality has developed a gravitational pull.”
“The church isn’t safe from the disease of division. Our feeds offer us a steady diet of self-affirming articles that state how this political election or that theological disagreement will make or break us. When the stakes are constantly elevated to do-or-die levels, we justify any tactic that gives ‘our side’ an edge in the war.”
“Denominations, churches, and church members who once enjoyed unity now grow apart. Those we used to march with arm in arm are now at arm’s length. It seems our culture is ever more eager to draw lines in the sand and ever slower to listen with love. As our tribalism grows, our ability to nuance diminishes, and it becomes difficult to pursue Christian wisdom.”
Kurtz then provides a theological diagnosis of the problem among theologians.
“We watch Paul’s warning in Galatians 5:15 unfold: ‘But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.’ Hyperbole, straw-manning, and intellectual suspicion poison the tongues of some of our most popular theologians. Why have theological leaders given in to cultural division? What can we do about it?”
“Much of what’s done in the name of ‘theology’ in our day is described by the list of vices listed in Paul’s “works of the flesh” in Galatians 5:19-21. It’s not hard to think of examples of theology leveraged in envy, selfish ambition, outbursts of anger, and dissension. Yes, sinful flesh is at the root of our division.”
Kurtz outlines his thinking into three categories.
“1. We’ve misunderstood theological clarity and confidence as a replacement for wisdom.”
“2. We’ve misused theology as an instrument of pride.”
“3. We’ve weaponized theology as an instrument of division.”
“But Certainly Not Among the Biblical Counseling World, Right!?”
Jim Newheiser described how biblical counselors are being canceled by those outside the biblical counseling world. Ronni Kurtz revealed how theologians cancel one another.
But biblical counselors would not cancel one another, right???
Wrong.
Here are just a few samplers of what I’ve heard biblical counselors saying about fellow biblical counselors:
- “You’re not a biblical counselor, you are a so-called biblical counselor who doesn’t truly believe and practice real biblical counseling.”
- “You are not a biblical counselor; you are an integrationist!”
- “You will answer to God for your false biblical counseling views.”
- “You have entrenched, unbiblical views of biblical counseling.”
These samples give you a picture of how biblical counselors are canceling one another. Sad.
I could share many more examples that I’ve heard, but that would require breaking confidentiality. Other examples that I could share are much worse, with much greater personal, pastoral, and professional consequences to those being privately and publicly canceled by other biblical counselors. Livelihoods are at stake. Reputations are at risk. Relationships are destroyed. Hearts are wounded.
Your Legitimate Questions…And Our Humble Heart Examination Questions
You might ask,
“Why would you even blog about this Bob? It’s so embarrassing to read these quotes about biblical counselors canceling one another. It gives biblical counselors and biblical counseling such a bad name!”
Well, if modern biblical counseling has practiced anything, it has practiced dealing forthrightly with reality. These destructive situations exist. Let’s shine scriptural truth upon them.
You also might ask,
“Are you saying we are never to judge anything?”
I’m not saying that. Jim Newheiser clarified it well in his post: we are called to wisely discern; while God also warns us against improper judgment.
I wrote a book—Consider Your Counsel: Addressing Ten Mistakes in Our Biblical Counseling—where I sought to discern areas of weakness in our modern biblical counseling world. Weaknesses that I also confessed to being guilty of.
There is a difference between humble, careful, compassionate discernment for the sake of mutual growth and arrogant, divisive, unfair, inaccurate judgment for the sake of canceling others.
Others might also ask,
“But didn’t Jesus judge others? Didn’t He overturn tables!”
I’ve already said there is such a thing as biblical judgment and discernment.
Still, I am not Jesus.
You are not Jesus.
His judgment was perfect.
And, Jesus was meek and lowly of heart. Humble.
Jesus also reserved His most intense judgment for those who were the most arrogantly judgmental (consider Matthew 23 as just one biblical example).
Perhaps we could ask ourselves some humble heart questions…
- Since the perfect God-man was meek, lowly, and humble, what does this suggest about the mindset and attitude I should pursue when I am thinking about writing/speaking about another biblical counselor…?
- Is Jesus calling me to overturn tables, or is He calling me to turn over my heart to His soul care and spiritual direction?
- Am I self-aware enough to realize that my judgment is impaired and imperfect?
- Are my writings/presentations about my fellow biblical counselor reflective of Jesus-like humility?
- Am I humbly open to critique from other biblical counselors? Or, do I simply like to be the one doing the nouthetic confrontation, but refuse to be the one on the receiving end?
- Am I willing to look at the log in my own eye? Or, do I simply like exposing the speck in the eyes of other biblical counselors?
5 Biblical Counseling Principles for Relating to Other Biblical Counselors
Whole books have been written on biblical relationships and conflict resolution. I have half a blog post left to address relationships in our biblical counseling world. So I’ll seek to be direct. In no particular order, here are some pertinent biblical principles for biblical counselors as we talk about fellow biblical counselors…
Principle #1: Check Our Training
As biblical counselors, we should do this relationship stuff well—certainly better than we’re currently doing it. Let’s walk the talk. Practice what we preach. Soul physician heal thyself—in the power of the Ultimate Soul Physician.
We each need to apply biblical counseling communication principles to our relationships with one another. Here are a few sample passages for us to apply (see the questions under Principle #2 for many specific examples):
- Matthew 18:15-20: Speak directly with your brother or sister.
- 1 Corinthians 13:1-7: Speak in love.
- Galatians 5:13-25: Speak from the fruit of the Spirit not from the deeds of the flesh.
- Ephesians 4:1-3: Seek unity in the bond of peace.
- Ephesians 4:15: Speak (live out, embody) the truth in love.
- Ephesians 4:25-32: Live out biblical principles of relationship.
- Philippians 4:8: Speak what is true, pure, noble, right, lovely, and praiseworthy.
- James 3:9-18: Live out the wisdom from above, not the “wisdom” from below.
Principle #2: Check Our Hearts Using God’s Word
Biblical counselors are all about self-confrontation, heart motivation, and personal sanctification—as assessed by God’s sufficient Scriptures. Let’s apply this to our relationships to one another as biblical counselors.
- Applying Galatians 5:13-25: Is our approach to our biblical counseling brother or sister reflective of the Spirit, or reflective of the flesh?
- Am I using my freedom to indulge my flesh?
- Am I serving my biblical counseling brother/sister humbly in love?
- Am I loving my biblical counseling brother/sister as myself—treating them in writing the way I would want them to treat me in writing?
- Am I biting and devouring my biblical counseling brother/sister—instigating a mutual assured destruction?
- Are my attitudes, my actions, and my writings/speaking according to the flesh—impacted by hatred, discord, jealousy, selfish ambition, dissension, factions, envy, and the like?
- Are my writings/speaking about my biblical counseling brother/sister flowing from conceit and envy and likely to provoke them?
- Are my writings/speaking about my biblical counseling brother/sister filled with the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control?
- Are my writings/speaking indicative of someone who belongs to Christ and has crucified my flesh with its sinful passions and selfish desires?
- Are my writings/speaking about my biblical counseling brother/sister keeping in step with the Spirit?
- Applying James 3:19-18: Is our approach to our biblical counseling brother or sister reflective of wisdom from above or of wisdom from below?
- Am I seeing my biblical counseling brother/sister as an image bearer? Or, am I even questioning their very redemption? Am I calling into question their Christianity?
- Out of my mouth is there at the same time flowing praise to God and cursing to my brother/sister in Christ?
- Am I demonstrating my biblical wisdom, discernment, and understanding by showing it by my good life and by deeds done and words written and spoken in humility?
- Am I harboring bitter envy and selfish ambition in my heart as I write or speak about my biblical counseling brother/sister?
- Am I boasting about my superiority (and supposed superior knowledge) and thus denying God’s truth and speaking a “wisdom” that is earthly, unspiritual, demonic?
- Am I promoting disorder and evil practice flowing from a heart of envy and selfish ambition?
- As I address my biblical counseling brother’s/sister’s writings, is my approach pure, peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy, full of good fruit, impartial, and sincere?
- Are my writings/speaking about my biblical counseling brother/sister indicative of a peacemaker who sows in peace and desires to reap a harvest of righteousness?
- Applying Ephesians 4:25-32: Is our approach to our biblical counseling brother or sister reflective of biblical principles of relational communication?
- Are my writings/speaking about my biblical counseling brother/sister indicative of any level of falsehood? Am I speaking truthfully to and about my biblical counseling brother/sister?
- Am I writing/speaking at all out of unrighteous anger? Do I need to go to my biblical counseling brother/sister to address my unrighteous anger about/against them?
- Are my writings/speaking giving the devil a foothold?
- Am I guilty of speaking unwholesome words (rotten, putrid, foul, corrupt, vicious, impure) against my biblical counseling brother/sister?
- Are my writings/words grieving the Holy Spirit?
- Are my writings/words reflective at all of bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, or malice?
- Are my writings/words about my biblical counseling brother/sister kind and compassionate?
Principle #3: Check in with Our Brother or Sister
It is very common in today’s world to hear people say,
“I’m confronting this person about something they wrote, did, or said publicly, so I do not need to first address them privately.”
I remember back in 2010, when David Powlison, Randy Patten, Steve Viars, and others asked me to be the founding Executive Director of the Biblical Counseling Coalition. I was an “unknown” to some people. Some of those folks perhaps heard something second or third hand about me. They would go to Steve Viars to question him about my biblical counseling credentials. He would always say:
“Have you read Bob’s writings? Have you spoken to Bob?”
That’s great biblical counsel about relationships with fellow biblical counselors.
- Have we read their writings?
- Have I gone to their primary sources to read their writings fairly, with an open mind, in context?
- Have I accurately summarized their writings/convictions in such a way that they would recognize themselves in what I am saying about them?
- Have we spoken to them? Have we emailed? Texted? Private messaged? Called? Zoomed? It’s so easy to do a personal check in.
- Have I given them an outline of my criticism and asked for their feedback?
- Have I asked, “Do my writings/words fairly represent your views? Or, have I mischaracterized your views? If so, could you help me to accurately convey your position?”
- Have I asked, “Am I presenting an unfair caricature of your teaching?”
- Have I asked, “Have I quoted you out of contexts?”
- Have I asked, “Are their other places where you address this further?”
- Have I sought to clarify their position and their sources? Have I asked, “Could you walk me through the biblical passages you use to develop your position? Could you walk me through the theological principles you use to develop your position? Could you walk me through where else in church history or modern Christianity you find additional support for your views?”
Is it really that hard to engage in such fair and open personal dialogue before we cancel a fellow biblical counselor with our public monologue?
Is it really that hard to enter into personal dialogue before we “out” someone as an “illegitimate biblical counselor” or call them out as a “so-called biblical counselor”?
Principle #4: Check the Accuracy of Our Words
Checking in with the person goes a long way toward this. So does a mindset of truthfulness and accuracy.
- Am I quoting my fellow biblical counselor out of context—just for a “gotcha!” moment?
- Am I leaving out corresponding parts of their teaching and highlighting only those parts that put the person’s writings in a bad (unfair, inaccurate, incomplete) light?
- Am I truly listening to them with open ears (like a biblical counselors is trained to do)? Or, am I seeing and reporting only what advances my negative narrative about them?
- Am I giving them the same benefit of the doubt that I would want them to give to me? Am I giving them the same benefit of the doubt that I would give someone in my “tribe”?
- Have I assessed their views based upon the Scriptures, or have I judged them based upon my own personal views of biblical counseling?
- Have I assessed their views based upon church history, or have I judged them based upon my group’s modern view of biblical counseling?
- Have I assessed their views based upon their stated definitions of their terms, or have I judged them based upon my own definitions of terms?
- Have I “cherry-picked” quotes and views from others to unfairly represent my view? Have I avoided quotes and sources that support the view of the biblical counselor I’m critiquing?
Principle #5: Check the Charity (Love) of Our Words
Jim Newheiser said it well in his post:
“Culture can be careless, uncharitable, and harsh. Statements of an opponent are taken out of context and given the most negative (or uncharitable) reading possible. Some relentlessly seek to take down those whom they deem to have taken the wrong side of the narrative. Even when clarifications are offered or apologies made, the self-appointed judges are not satisfied.”
I would add, “Christian culture can be careless, uncharitable, and harsh.”
And I would add, “We biblical counselors can be careless, uncharitable, and harsh when we speak about other biblical counselors whose views on biblical counseling may not be identical to our own.”
Perhaps we could ask ourselves some 1 Corinthians 13 questions.
- As I speak/write about biblical counseling brothers/sisters, are my words marked by love, patience, and kindness?
- Do my words flow from envy, boasting, pride, and/or arrogance?
- Do my words dishonor my brother or sister?
- Am I insisting on my own way? Am I irritable, resentful, rude, self-seeking, easily angered?
- Am I keeping records of perceived wrongs?
- Do my words rejoice with the truth? Do they bear all things, protect my brother or sister, believe all things, always trust, always hope, always endure?
- Do I give the benefit of the doubt to those in my own group while tending to believe and speak the worst about those from other groups? Am I inclined to interpret the statements of those from other groups in the worst possible light?
- Have I considered the impact that my negative words of criticism might have upon the heart of my fellow biblical counselor?
- Have I considered the impact that my negative words of criticism might have upon the vocation, calling, ministry, and livelihood of my fellow biblical counselor?
- How would I respond, what might I feel, and what would I think if I were publicly criticized and canceled by a fellow biblical counselor?
The Rest of the Story (Maybe)
I’m thinking about adding two additional principles and posting them as a “Part 2.” Honestly, I’m not sure yet. I’m praying about it. We shall see. Either way, there’s plenty for each of us to prayerfully ponder and apply here in this post…
Join the Conversation
Have you been unfairly canceled or called out either publicly or privately by another biblical counselor? If so, what was it like for you? How did you handle it between you and God? How did you handle it between you and the person?
Have you canceled or called out another biblical counselor? On the basis of the biblical principles in this post would you have done anything differently? Should you do anything now?
Which of the biblical principles from this post stand out the most to you? Why? How might you apply them?
What additional biblical principles would you add for how biblical counselors should relate to one another when they perceive differences in their biblical counseling views and practices?
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