Recently, Heath Lambert shared what he called a long-form essay entitled Priest in the Garden, Zombies in the Wilderness, and Prophets on the Wall. While I won’t link to it, you can easily find it.

You can also easily find reactions on social media, ranging from praise/applause to grief/disagreement.

I’ll possibly have more to say about Heath’s post at a later date.

What Are Biblical Principles for Responding to Confrontation (That I Perceive to Be Unbiblical)?

Today, I want to encourage us to apply three biblical principles if we find ourselves in the following scenario:

What biblical principles would guide us if someone confronts us in a way that we believe is unbiblical, untrue, un-Christlike, ungracious, and unfair?

Some see Heath’s confrontation as brilliantly biblical and boldly truthful. Others see it as lacking in both truth and love. The discussion/debate will not die down anytime soon.

In today’s post, I am not making an assessment of what Heath said. Instead, I want us to examine God’s all-sufficient Word as it applies to those who perceive someone’s confrontation as having been spoken without truth in love. If you found yourself in a situation like this,

What does the Bible teach?

What biblical passages would you apply in biblical counseling?

Biblical Principle #1: Heart Humility for and from Everyone 

My good friend, Pastor Kevin Carson, blogged yesterday about one type of response. I might call it the inner heart response. Kevin challenged everyone to focus on humility. He used Dr. Bob Smith’s teaching to encourage us to ask ourselves,

“Lord, is there anything You want me to learn, even from combative confrontation?” (That’s my wording, not Kevin’s.)

Following this biblical principle, both the confronter and the confrontee should pray for Christlike humility. I applaud Kevin for highlighting this type of response, and for seeking to apply passages such as Romans 8:28-28; Ephesians 4:1-6; Philippians 2:1-10; and more.

Accurate, But Potentially Incomplete Counsel 

I’ve shared with Kevin my affirmation of his counsel as far as it goes. I’ve also shared that I see additional biblical principles that need to be considered and applied. Kevin’s foundation leaves open two essential biblical questions that I want us to explore.

What is biblical confrontation (and thus, what is unbiblical confrontation)? 

Interpersonally, how do we biblically respond to unbiblical confrontation? 

I’ve also shared with Kevin that leaving out these two categories:

• Could leave the unbiblical confronter blind to their potential sin issues in their confrontation. “Everyone humbly responded to my confrontation; it must have been spot on! I’ll keep relating like this.”

• Could leave the person who was unbiblically confronted un-shepherded and unprotected. “I guess I’ll just ‘suffer well,’ allow people to speak to me in unbiblical ways, and never address their sin against me and against others.” 

So, for the sake of comprehensive biblical wisdom, let’s apply further principles of scriptural confrontation.

Biblical Principle #2: Identifying Biblical, Christlike Confrontation

Confrontation is rarely if ever “pleasant.” So the “gauge” or “test” of confrontation is not whether I emotionally disliked the experience of being confronted. The test of confrontation is, of course—does the confrontation follow biblical principles?

Many of us teach many biblical passages about the process of confrontation. I have an entire section dedicated to loving confrontation in Gospel Conversations: How to Care Like Christ. Here’s a brief summary of some of the passages to ponder regarding Christlike, biblical confrontation.

Galatians 6:1: “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”

Here, Paul teaches us that the person doing the confronting must first humbly look at their own life (or, in this case, their own model of counseling) watching and assessing ourselves and our model before and while we seek to humbly assess another person. And when we do approach that person, we do it gently.

Matthew 7:3: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

Similar to Paul in Galatians 6, here in Matthew, Jesus teaches us first to look at the huge log in our own eye before and while we detect the tiny speck in our brother or sister’s eye. Both Paul and Jesus highlight our propensity toward being blind about our own faults—whether they be moral/spiritual sins or theological/counseling errors.

2 Timothy 2:22-26: “Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.”

When I equip biblical counselors for biblical confrontation, we spend a lot of time exegeting and applying this passage. Again, I’ll be brief here, but you can learn more in Gospel Conversations.

First, it is an indication of immaturity (spiritual youthfulness) to focus our life and ministry on foolish and stupid arguments and on provoking quarreling (2:22). The spiritual adult, the spiritually mature Christian, pursues peace (see also the peace-focused marks of spiritual wisdom commanded in James 3:13-18).[1] 

Second, in confrontation, the Lord’s servant is not quarrelsome, but kind—to everyone.

Third, those who are perceived to be wrong, are to “be gently instructed.”

Fourth, we don’t play God in confrontation. We leave the results to Him—He will grant the person repentance. This avoids power plays and power struggles; it avoids manipulation and condemnation; it avoids shaming and defaming.

Biblical Principle #3: Confronting the Unbiblical Confronter and Warning the Divisive Person 

Track with me thus far.

The heart principle that Kevin Carson rightly highlights is our inner life principle of humility before God and with one another.

Then we have the biblical confrontation principles—out of what character and mindset and in what manner we confront.

Next, the Bible builds on this inner heart principle and on the confrontation principles by following up with the interpersonal relationship principle.

For example, based upon 2 Timothy 2:22-26:

We could biblically confront the person who confronted unbiblically—in fact, that would be our biblical responsibility. 

God’s all-sufficient Word takes this even further.

Titus 3:9-11: “But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.”

Notice a clarification. I am not making a judgment in this current situation that anyone has fallen into Titus 3:9-11 sin. I am outlining the Bible’s sufficient teaching on how to respond if that were the case.

Notice the context in Titus 3. The mature minister of the Word, like Titus, like anyone who seeks to be a Christian leader, avoids foolish controversies, arguments, and quarrels—because these are unprofitable and useless.

Of course, as with all biblical application, we must seek to biblically, wisely discern if any given confrontation is truly biblical, or if it has crossed the line into unbiblical divisiveness. That is what this principle seeks to help us to consider and apply.

Notice the consequence in Titus 3. If a person refuses to avoid foolish arguments and quarrels, they are considered a divisive person. What does God’s Word say to do with a divisive person? Warn/rebuke/confront them once.

And, if that person continues in a pattern of divisiveness, then what do we do? Warn/rebuke/confront them a second time.

And what do we do if they refuse to repent and change, and instead they continue to be divisive, quarrelsome, and argumentative? We separate from them—because, according to Paul, they are warped, sinful, and self-condemned.

Additional Resources: Biblical Resources for Engaging with Fellow Biblical Counselors 

When we disagree with other biblical counselors, how could we handle those differences biblically? Here are resources to help us think through this vital issue.

• 5 Biblical Counseling Principles for Addressing Disagreements Among Biblical Counselors

• 6 Types of Biblical Self-Examination Questions to Ask Before Criticizing Fellow Biblical Counselors

• Are We Reasonable or Unreasonable in Our Interactions in the Biblical Counseling Movement

• 3 Nouthetic Cautions About Nouthetic Critiques of Others; From John Bettler

• 16 Self-Assessment Questions to Ask Ourselves as We Evaluate Other Counseling Models

• Humility and Charity in Biblical Counseling: A Guest Post by Nate Brooks on David Powlison and Eric Johnson

Putting It All Together and Pondering/Applying Scripture Together 

1. In responding to confrontation, how would it be helpful to seek to apply all three of these biblical principles?

2. What might happen if we left out any one of these three biblical principles?

3, If we only highlight principle one about heart humility, could it lead to enabling a sinful confronter? Might it lead to a failure to shepherd and protect those who are sinfully confronted?

4. What does a model of loving, gentle confrontation look like when we build it upon passages such as Galatians 6:1; Matthew 7:1-5; 2 Timothy 2:22-26; and James 3:13-18?

5. How/when would the biblical principle of going to a brother who has sin against you come into play in this scenario? If the confrontation was public, can the response also be public? (This would be a fourth biblical principle to follow in this situation.)

6. How/when would the biblical principle about the value of a multitude of counselors fit here? When should we seek wisdom from others if we think we have been unbiblically confronted? (This would be a fifth biblical principle to follow in this scenario.)

7. If you were spoken of unbiblically, how would you apply biblical principles about lamenting mistreatment (see many of David’s psalms), grieving being sinned against (again, many of David’s psalms, plus many of Job’s response to his three miserable counselors), and groaning the fallenness of this world (Romans 8:17-27)? (This would be a sixth biblical principle to follow in this situation.)

8. What additional biblical principles would you highlight in the case of confrontation that might be unbiblical confrontation?

Note

[1]  James 3:13-18 and Tests of Wisdom from Above: “Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. ¹⁴ But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. ¹⁵ Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. ¹⁶ For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. ¹⁷ But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. ¹⁸ Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.”