A Word from Bob 

This (brief) blog post deserves a book-length response. So, please consider this post just introductory.

A Summary 

Here’s my main point today, stated a couple of different ways:

• As biblical counselors, pastors, and Christian leaders, we must avoid misapplying biblical passages and principles.
• Not every biblical principle applies to every unique life situation.
• We should not apply situationally-applicable principles universally to every situation.
• In abusive relationships, misapplying biblical principles can endanger the abuse victim and can enable the abuser.

Examples

Here are some examples of the issues I’m addressing:

• Domestic Abuse/Physical Abuse: A wife is a victim of domestic abuse, and a pastor applies part of Ephesians 5 to the wife and communicates, “Be submissive.” Or, the wife is told, “A soft answer turns away wrath. Have you been responding in a submissive way with soft answers?” Or, “Before you take this to others, have you followed the Matthew 18 principle of directly talking to your (abusive) husband about this?”

• Sexual Abuse: A sexual abuse victim is first addressed with, “Have you forgiven them?” Or with, “Whatever else happens, we need to be sure that you ‘suffer well.’” Or, “Let’s consider if any of your behavior, or the way you dressed, contributed to tempting your abuser. The Bible does speak about modesty, and about the seductive women.”

• Spiritual Abuse: A member of a church, perhaps a staff member, is the recipient of spiritually abusive behavior from a Sr. Pastor. A pattern of spiritual abuse is being recognized by congregants and staff members. An outside consultant applies a passage like Hebrews 13:17. “Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you.” Or, a friend responds, “Judge not, lest you be judged. You know, it’s not easy being a pastor and pleasing everyone.” 

• Verbal Abuse: Someone is being bullied and verbally abused. Their counselor turns to, “Turn the other cheek.” Or, “Learn whatever you can from them, no matter how wrong or how cruel their words are.” Or, a Christian is publiclly verbally abused and mischaracterized, and Christians tell them, “Don’t respond; just let Jesus defend you.” All the while, their reputation is sullied publicly, their ministry is mischaracterized, and the truth is never told. The false shame of the verbal abuse is not addressed. And the verbally abusive person is emboldened to continue to mischaracterize others.

Wisdom 

Biblical counselors need biblical wisdom.

Biblical wisdom is the ability to apply biblical truth relevantly.

Not every biblical principle or passage applies to every situation.

Biblical wisdom reads the Scriptures, reads the specific situation, and reads the unique persons involved in the situation.

Biblical counseling is not a cut-and-paste application of pet passages to every situation.

Wise biblical counseling seeks to apply the relevant biblical principles and passages in the right way, to the right person, with the right words.

Justice 

The Bible is replete (filled with) biblical admonitions to confront abuse and oppression. We must be careful that our counsel does not enable abusers.

The Bible is replete with biblical admonitions against leaders who do not protect the vulnerable. We must be sure that our counsel protects abuse victims.

Not Nuanced Today 

Yes, much more could (and should) be said. Typically, my posts are quite nuanced and quite lengthy. Today, I wanted to be “to the point.”

Further Resources

For longer responses regarding these vital issues, consider these resources:

• 12 Biblical Counseling Resources on Domestic Abuse
• 46 Resources on Spiritual Abuse
• 11 Biblical Counseling Resources on Sexual Abuse: Healing and Hope in Christ
• 6 Biblical Counseling Resources on Sexual Abuse Prevention
• Shepherds, Please Think, “Protect Well. Please Stop Saying, “Suffer Well.”
• A Compassionate Biblical Approach to Suffering: “Biblical Sufferology”